It made the papers today... Insurance.com is more or less gone as a company. I put two and a half years into the place, which is nothing compared to those who put most of their professional career into it. I can only imagine what a sad day it was, with one last trip to the bowling alley to suck down some beers.

I probably learned more in my time there than I had at most of my other jobs combined, as far as software development goes. I've never had a job where I was surrounded by that many smart people. It was so positive that the dev team, topping out around 16 I think, had almost no turn over the entire time I was there (except for one guy, who wrote shitty code anyway). The only downside for me was that it was sometimes hard for me to get the really interesting work, as it was largely taken up by the senior guys with a stake in the company. Still, it was a great time to get better at what I did.

There were a couple of strategic blunders that occurred before the first round of layoffs, that I believe led to the ultimate end of the company. There were also some other things we chased that had questionable return on investment. But regardless of those details, the problem was a more fundamental one: Investors want growth, and today that seems to be the only reason to even start a company. Start it, grow it, sell it or IPO it. That's a shitty way to be in business.

I say that because it's ridiculous to expect that every business has to grow. A company isn't permitted to simply reach a level of sustainable execution the moment that there are outside investors involved. That's stupid, because no matter how many MBA's you throw at a problem, sometimes there is a place you can plateau, doing something really well, making money at it, and that's that. I personally believe that ICOM could have persisted a very long time without a staffing blitz (and without chasing a secondary business that was addictive like crack, and created the illusion of growth). They never had that luxury when there were investors involved.

In talking with a friend last week about the end, and the time he invested in it, he felt as though he couldn't see the end from the inside, and felt silly for it. I think that's being a little harsh on yourself, as that's something we all do. It's like being in a bad relationship, where you may stay in it just because of the time you invest in it, or because you live with the other person. I'd even say that it was admirable that so many people there felt strongly enough about the business to stay in it as long as they did. It's a shame they couldn't have made some of the higher level decisions instead of the execs.

The advice I'd give to my former co-workers, having been through more layoffs than I care for, is to start by sleeping in. There's something cosmically freeing about not having to get up in the morning in that situation. The next thing to do is look forward to the day when your new job is free of all the constraints of your last job. Sure there will be new challenges, but chances are, the new possibilities will be rewarding and exciting.

And of course, if any of you are interested in the Evil Empire, get your resume to me and I'll be happy to submit it internally. There are literally thousands of job openings, and Microsoft would hugely benefit from you working there. And the benefits kick ass. And you'll get a free phone if you act now. :)

It was a great part of my career, but trust me when I say there are bigger things in your future. Long live ICOM!

I'm very excited to report that, in the last five days, we've gone out twice in the evening, with Simon. Sunday was the PEPS group I mentioned previously, and tonight, my officemate invited us over for some grill action at their place. Against all odds, Simon took a little nap on Diana's shoulder, and we didn't leave until 8. I'll say it again... 8! It also gives us a little bit of context about the different stages of kidness, as Aaron's kids are 5 and 7.

As Diana said on Sunday night, it's a little surreal to consider that this is our life. It's one of the things that I've found so overwhelming lately. We have friends with kids, and in fact most of our social interaction here exists solely because we're new parents (work friends not withstanding). For someone who has mostly had friends in their 20's without kids, even as I went into the 30's, that's pretty strange. I've always identified more with younger people in the pre-children stage of life, generally in their 20's. Maybe that's why it was so cool last weekend to meet people our age just starting out with a baby.

But there's a part of me that worries about keeping my edge, and some days I feel like I've lost it a bit. I'm not just talking about the days when I had awesome hair or visible piercings either. In the early parts of my career, much of my success was derived from being a bit rock and roll. It wasn't so much a persona as much as it was an attitude. It wasn't just about questioning the establishment, it was about successfully challenging it.

Now here's the weird part of it... Being a dad hasn't made me more conservative and go-with-the-flow. It has done just the opposite! Just as I was compelled to challenge corporate America ten years ago, I now challenge what you're "supposed to do" as a parent. I don't do it to be different or to spite The Man, but I do it because I'm not content to just be handed information as the holy word.

This desire to look above and beyond what is generally accepted is rock and roll. This week I spent some time wondering how that would affect my career. It's no secret that Microsoft has a reputation for being "big, slow and dumb," but the exciting thing is that you can see in various parts of the company that while it may have been true at one time or another, it has changed a great deal. That's where being rock and roll in your 30's has advantages. Not only do you desire to challenge The Man, but you also know how to sell it and work the system. Anyone could have said, "Yeah, we should make a video game system," but it took someone to understand that the way to sell it was, "Hey, this Xbox could be our ticket into living rooms everywhere!"

The shock to my life's well-established comfort zone has in many ways knocked the complacency out of me. I'm feeling more energized than I had before, and I'm starting to figure out how and where I can have impact at work, in my hobby-business and in the life of my baby boy. I fully expect to do some really stupid things along the way, but it's better than doing nothing.

If you haven't been paying attention on CoasterBuzz, the Coasting For Kids event to raise money for Give Kids The World is today, happening simultaneously at all 11 Cedar Fair parks. Last year's event was a blast at Cedar Point alone, and it's really exciting to see it now across the entire chain.

GKTW hosts families of kids with life-threatening illnesses for a good time in Central Florida, giving them the chance to just let loose and forget about hospitals and medical bills. In other words, kids get to be kids! Not only do they have wonderful villas to stay in on the property (as well as other resort amenities), but the theme parks work with them as well. It's really something a lot of healthy people take for granted, since most of us don't have to ever consider a future where we might not have our children.

A friend of mine had a tough go of it growing up, to the extent where doctors were advising her parents to make sure she had good life insurance. As it turns out, she lived to tell about it, but I can't imagine being that age, confined to a wheel chair and not knowing if you had a future. Working with kids as a coach, that story hit pretty close to home, and given GKTW's proximity to the amusement industry, you can see why I'm passionate about it.

So if you can spare even a few bucks today, please help us out. Having met the president of the organization last year, I can tell you that it's run like a super-efficient business, and they make every dollar count. You can donate instantly online here:

http://www.firstgiving.com/jeffputz

Thank you for helping out!

Simon is turning out to be a ridiculously happy baby most of the time. I love his noises and his giggles and such. He's a lot of fun to be around.

But it sucks when his mouth hurts and you can only do so much to help him deal with it. I mean, when he's hungry or tired, you know, he cries but he's not in pain or anything. It's such a crappy feeling when you can't fix it. Fortunately it seems to come and go (though the drooling is pretty constant).

Starting Friday, when I met with a former co-worker that was in town to interview with the Evil Empire, I started on several days of enormous reality around my life that has completely overwhelmed me. This series of events kind of made me numb today, incapable of engaging in much of anything. It's not about anything bad really. I'm trying to sort out in my head how I got to feeling this way so I can process it and keep moving, but I'm not there yet.

Suffice it to say, the radical change of the last year has me exhausted. It's not that I want to go back to my old life, I just want to feel more comfortable in the one I have! It all began with a conversation I had on Friday night...

Diana has been going to a PEPS group now for many weeks, and their official gatherings have come to a close. To celebrate, one of the moms hosted a barbecue today, and all of the babies and dads were there as well.

It was an interesting group, and most of the parents were in their 30's, with Diana and one other mom at the upper end at 40. It really changes the perspective of parenthood and timing, because not only were all of these moms attractive and youthful, but it shows that it's OK to have kids a little later than what was typical for previous generations. For all my feelings about getting a late start, I suppose I feel like I'm not alone at all.

Perhaps one of the great things about the so-called later start is that life has a way of being generally more stable. Granted, this might partly be the geography (I'd be shocked if the median income around here was less than $100k), but these new families aren't burdened by student loans or tight budgets. Starting in your 30's probably means that you've got a career established and in progress, money isn't a constant worry, and you're less of a moron than you were in your 20's. In other words, it's a much better time to have a baby. One couple in particular, like us, got married in their 30's and it was more obvious that they were a good fit. Marriage and baby-making need not be an endeavor exclusive to 20-somethings.

Not surprisingly, one-third of the dads work at Microsoft, and one of the moms is a "v-dash" (vendor, because their e-mail starts with v-).

It probably seems like I say this every other day, but I find it remarkable to see Simon doing new things and watching him develop. It's almost a daily occurrence. For example, he's creating new sounds almost every day, and he's as surprised as we are when he makes them. It's also cool to see how his manual dexterity gets better every day. He's getting closer to the point where he can consistently take his pacifier out of his mouth and return it. You can see him look at it, analyze, and figure out how to position it.

Then there's the ugly side of development, which we call teething. While most kids his age don't have the two teeth he does, we're pretty sure that he's ready to pop a few more. As with the last time, the drool volume has increased dramatically, and he's cranky and tired a lot for no obvious reason. It's not fun to see this happy kid be unhappy.

According to some stuff that Diana has been reading, there are a number of these developmental things coming together that may even allow him to sleep overnight. We still swaddle him, because he clearly derives comfort from it (and really, don't we all like to be wrapped up warm and cozy?), and we give him the pacifier because it helps him fall asleep. The problem is that he tends to panic without it, so at some point we need to wean him from both eventually. Having his arms free would be OK if his first instinct weren't to take out the pacifier! But once he gets more coordinated, he can just as easily put it back. Sometimes we want to rush him for our benefit, and we have to remember he's not quite to five months yet.

Seeing a little human develop like this is fascinating when you do it every day. It won't be long before he's walking around, dating and going to college. Gotta enjoy this while we can!

For almost two weeks now, I've been having some really disturbing dreams, the kind where you wake up feeling distraught and upset. I hate waking up that way, especially since the first thing I see is usually Diana and Simon.

Dreams are often the product of your subconscience, so I wonder what's going on in my brizzle lately. There are some things on my mind that do require closure, but I'm not entirely sure that it's anxiety. I'm generally pretty happy with life's direction as of late.

After a particularly bad dream, I had one after that this morning that was completely strange. I was talking with my first real girl friend, who I haven't had contact with in something like 17 years, and we picked up conversations as if no time had passed. She also had blonde hair that was still very 90's, which is odd. But the real strangeness was that I was photographing a very skinny Kelly Osborne, who was all self-conscious and having low self-esteem issues, all while I was having problems getting the off-camera flash to work right and my assistants from some agency were making fun of me. Where does this kind of shit come from?

I'd like to know why I can't just have sexy dreams like everyone else. :) Or maybe that's just it, that people don't. I'm lucky to have those kinds of dreams once a year!

Imogen Heap has been doing live improv at her shows, making stuff up and then posting it on her Web site to raise money for charities in each city. She just posted the Seattle track, and you can listen to it in its entirety online. It's pretty cool to see her just keep layering stuff together and coming up with a song, and makes an interesting souvenir as well. She's ridiculously talented.

With the certainty of Emma's passing today, a hundred different things went swirling through my head. Since my first year coaching was 1997, obviously I've seen kids grow up and be 20-somethings. Some kids are married, some are rocket scientists, and some are even mothers. When you get a few months to spend with them, you get to see how their personalities develop. Sometimes they do brilliant things, as well as stupid things. You also get to see the kinds of relationships they have with their parents.

I've always taken the responsibility of coaching very seriously, even with the kids that were a total pain in the ass, because I know there are long-term consequences. Some of the most influential people in my life were teachers or mentors in one way or another, even if I didn't spend a lot of time with them. I very much have the realization as a new father that the impact is far greater when it's your own kid.

When I was seeing a therapist around the time of my divorce, one of his themes was that much of your social skill base comes from your parents. For example, people who stay in broken relationships filled with the toxicity of guilt and mistrust, often do so because they observed their parents do the same thing (a case for not staying together "for the kids," by the way). Imagine my concern with that, since I only had monthly weekend visitation with my dad, and my relationship with my step-dad was not great either. I have an incomplete blueprint for full-time child-father relationships.

The thing I have observed about these relationships time and time again is that there is definitely a sweet spot for involvement and trust. No involvement will lead a kid to destructive behavior, obviously, but the opposite extreme can be just as bad. One of my former kids had a great dad in terms of his involvement, to the extent he missed only one game of hers through high school, club and college, but he was so hard on her about everything. I could see her desire grow through college to just be her own person, potentially doing stupid things just to make the point.

The investigation into Emma's drowning already suggests that she made some bad decisions. That's tragic. Emma was a baby once too, and when I knew her, a teenager. I never imagined at the time that this could happen to her. So when I had some quiet time with Simon, even though I'm sure he didn't understand, I told him that I loved him dearly, but some day I would have to trust him to make good decisions for himself. It's hard to imagine at the start of this journey that there's only so much I can do before he's on his own. I'm going to do my best to give him what he needs to make good decisions. Beyond that, I'll have to be at peace with the idea that it will ultimately be up to him.

The news from Cleveland is that a female body washed ashore today, and unless it's just coincidence, it's probably Emma's. Her disappearance from a Lake Erie boat has been on my mind since my former assistant coach, Liz, messaged me via Facebook. As obvious as the logical outcome of this sort of thing is, I wanted to believe and hope that it would end differently.

When Emma played for me, she was only a sophomore. While the pool of kids to pick from was not strong to begin with, I wasn't crazy about pulling up a sophomore to varsity, but not having her up there would've been holding her back. Even though she was one of those many kids I've coached over the years going through an obvious awkward phase, taller than average with strange proportions, she could beat the crap out of the ball.

She was such a goof, too, and made us laugh constantly. She did buckle down and get "serious" when she had to (most of the time), but it was neat how being the "baby" of the team also kept me and the older kids from taking ourselves too seriously all of the time.

We also worried about her constantly, because her dad was so hard on her. We actually had to start doing closed practices just to keep him out so she could focus. The pressure was pretty intense, and I could only imagine to what extent. God knows he suggested to the athletic director at the time that I needed to do more yelling.

I didn't have much contact with Emma after that season (Facebook for grown-ups didn't come around until a few years later). It seems she transferred to another school with just a few months left in her senior year, according to one of the papers, to live with her mom, whom I never met. She didn't go to college, but worked at a gym and was a "ring girl" for some kind of cage fighting. Before her Facebook profile came down, it looked like she was like anyone else that age, going to parties and doing the silly things one does in that time of their life. I just can't wrap my head around it ending like this.

Like so many of the kids that I've had the privilege to coach, I'm glad I got to know Emma, if only for a period of six months. Just as you hope to leave a lasting impression with every kid, every kid leaves an impression on you as well. I'm thankful for that.

Here are a few photos of Emma from 2005...

Here's one that someone uploaded to Facebook, apparently taken in December...

There was a story in Wired about the changing of RadioShack from an electronics parts store for hobbyists to a cell phone retailer. It's an interesting read from the standpoint that it really demonstrates the difference in the way we view technology.

I remember as a young kid, someone bought me one of those electronics kits, where you could wire up different circuits using pre-cut wires between the spring terminals that connected to the transistors, capacitors, resisters and what not. It was fascinating for me to build the circuits, but I never took the time to understand what they did, or why they did it (something I kind of regret to this day). It did at least give me some kind of basic respect for electronics though. I remember spending about ten bucks (hard to come by when I was 15) on a metal project box, a button, some wires, a light and a battery holder, to make my own model rocket launching switch. I also bought parts to wire some external speaker jacks to my very first boombox (which was red).

I liked tinkering with stuff in those days, and it became even more interesting for me when I could program a computer. I had my Atari 8-bit computer starting in grade eight I think, and the Apple II+ by grade nine. It's still funny that I didn't make that something I did for a living until four years after I graduated from college.

But as the article states, people don't have that tinkering mentality the way they used to. I can't imagine messing directly with electronics these days, aside from perhaps building my own cabling and such for video gear (another thing I really enjoyed in my broadcast career). Programming for the Web has really satisfied my need to tinker, and the idea of making something for a mobile device is appealing too.

The story brought back a lot of memories. It also makes me realize how much we take for granted things like iPhones.

You know, movie trailers for the most part suck. Not as bad as they did in the 80's, but they've largely become unimaginative and predictable. I dig this one.

Here's the trailer for the forthcoming movie about Mark Zuckerburg and Facebook. It's a pretty damn good trailer. I've gotta say that, regardless of how much of it is actually true, I'm really looking forward to it.

I've said half-jokingly that the only place I ever drink is at work. While there's some truth to that, it's more the point that the company does a lot of morale events. Sometimes they're simple get togethers in a courtyard between buildings, for big events there are huge blowouts, and some are more intimate outings for small groups.

I really had a good time doing the electric go-kart thing with my fellow dev team members just before Simon was born, but yesterday's event was even better. A ridiculous country club for millionaires has an 18-hole mini-golf course, meaning an actual grass course. It was absolutely beautiful, with views of downtown Seattle and Bellevue, the Olympics and much of Lake Washington and the sound. The weather was just perfect, too.

After an exquisitely catered brunch (complete with mimosas), we organized ourselves into groups to hit the mini-links. I grouped with my officemate Aaron, and two of the galleries devs, Teresa and Albert. I was surprised to putt well enough to win in our group (other groups didn't even keep score), and Teresa was just a few strokes behind me. Aaron had another ten, and Albert had 20 more or something, but overall, we had a good time.

Then afterward, we gathered in the bar for more beverages and good conversation. It was refreshingly not about work, too. Even though we all have lunch together on most days, it's really nice to get out in a social situation with these folks. There's a lot of talented and interesting people there. It's one of the reasons I wish I had a house, because back home I would have thrown a party for everyone by now.

STO is a pretty neat place to be. I'm not sure what my role may be in the long term, but I dig it there.

From Tracy Bonham's new album, Masts of Manhatta (first track is free on Amazon MP3):

"They've got SUV's that ride up into your asshole."

I don't even know what that means, but it amuses me to no end.

Diana looked at fares some more for a trip to see her dad. Still not finding anything even remotely solid. To get off cheap it would require a solid week, which is way too long for me to go without my wife and my little man. I can't easily go, because the fares for a shorter meet-up stay would be twice as much. Sigh. I really wanted to see his new place and go to Carowinds.

I have to start thinking about where to fly to for Holiday World. I had a "holy crap that's only two months from now" moment about that today. I think I might be OK with a longer drive if it means I can get away without connections (what with the baby and all), but I haven't really looked yet.

With the burst of summer we had last week, I have to say that we've been feeling a little disconnected from the world, particularly as it related to our "normal" summer customs. Cedar Point, friends, back yards, patio lunches at our favorite restaurants... we're not getting any of that this year. The feeling of being disconnected is even greater for Diana, who doesn't have the benefit of going to a day job every day and interacting with people who aren't infants. It has been a tough adjustment, that's for sure.

We've started to put together some travel plans, though unfortunately it doesn't look like any of them help us out now, when we need it most. We looked into doing a Cleveland run, but airfare is insane with that short of a notice. We also looked into one or both of us going to visit her dad in the Carolinas, but again, way too expensive. That's a bummer.

We have booked our first air travel though with Simon. We'll be going to LA next month for Diana's cousin's wedding. This will be a pretty short trip, since we have no idea what to expect when it comes to air travel with an infant. It's a good trial run for the other trips later in the year. Sadly, this means no Knott's Berry Farm.

I lined up our RV for the event at Holiday World, which we're sharing with the Jandes family again. That was easily one of the most favoritest things we did last year, even with Diana pregnant. I think this will be Simon's first carousel ride, which is very exciting.

Then after that, late in the season, we'll go to Cleveland for some amount of time, and part of that will be at Cedar Point for our event there. I think we'll do a whirlwind tour of visits with folks then. There won't be much in the way of relaxing, I suspect, but we'll get our roller coasters on and see all that is familiar again.

The plan after Thanksgiving is to do a week at Universal Orlando, and really play that one casually. Lazy trips to the pool, City Walk dining, and of course a trip through Hogsmeade. I'm counting on my now-Central Florida based BFF to help us out with Simon so Diana and I can at least get on a few things together. Hopefully we won't freeze our tits off like we did last year.

So we're doing our best to cope with change. It's so hard to reconcile being thrilled about it while missing the old life so much.

I've been listening to Sleigh Bells (a band) lately, and I feel a little dirty for it. It's hard to categorize, but I first heard it on XM. It's like, Industrial meets Jay-Z meets pop girl singer meets... hell if I know. It's noisy, will likely break your speakers, over-modulated and has a sweet sounding (and cute with tattoos) singer.

And it has almost no staying power or long-term value. It's ear candy. There are glimmers of actual song-writing in there. I think they could do something more. But I like it anyway. I'm sure I'll get bored with it eventually.

Diana scored a new (used) baby tub for $12, and Simon loves it. He just splashed away like crazy, and had plenty of room to kick and have a good time. I'm glad, because he didn't seem to be having as much fun in his old tub because he was so wedged into it.

Diana did a moms' night out with other moms tonight, so after bath time, I got Simon dressed and we played on the floor for a little bit, before sending him to bed around 6:30. I had a really good day with him, and it was really well balanced. I also had him while Diana went grocery shopping. I didn't get up until a little before 9 (I did his midnight-ish feeding), so I was well rested. We had good feeding times, some good laughs and play time, and he went to bed for me like an angel, twice.

Meanwhile, I found time to do some code work, and I felt accomplished. With the warm but not sweltering weather, the apartment was cool too. We didn't do any couple stuff really today, but it was still a pretty good day overall. In fact, Diana gave me high praise today for being a heavily engaged dad, which is apparently something a lot of dads aren't good at. The moms she meets with ask questions like, "You left your baby with your husband? How is that possible?" That's weird to me, because I love to spend time with Simon, including the "work" of feeding, changing and bathing him.

Hooray for a great day!

In the digital age, we're so not bound to "wasting" film, and I think removing that financial constraint allows us to just snap away. That's a really important thing, because the window for getting exactly the right shot is entirely too small.

This photo, featured on a Web site I frequent, is an example of what I'm talking about. I can say with a high degree of confidence that even a fraction of a second before or after this shot, her eyes and body language would not have conveyed the same thing. That she's pretty doesn't matter, because it's the feeling in the eyes that makes the photo. You can look at a thousand wedding photos of various couples and never see a look that intense or sincere.

Indeed, capturing that moment is hard even for the best photographer, because it comes and goes too quickly. (Disclaimer: It's a little easier with babies and small children, I think because they aren't emotionally developed enough to guard against that sincerity, which is sad for us adults.)