I have a lot of friends right now going through interesting things or important times in their lives. I have this strange conflict where I'm so excited for them, and yet sad that I'm not really a part of their lives.
It's a lot like the feeling I get at the end of a volleyball season, where I've developed relationships with kids and their parents, and get to be with them for some of the ups and downs in their lives, and then I'm just not a part of it anymore.
I've certainly identified that one of the things I like most about a serious relationship is being a part of that person's life in a significant way. For me, being able to give (in the emotional sense) to someone and be appreciated for that is one of the most satisfying feelings I have. That gratitude almost always comes back to you. I like being a part of that ecosystem more than being the sole focus in something.
Understand that I'm not blaming anyone or feeling ripped off by friends or former girlfriends/lovers or whatever. People have lives and circumstances that change. It just makes me sad to not be a part of those lives the way that I used to be. That in turn causes my brain to emphasize single life and all that love I have to give not going anywhere. It's a weird feeling I have not had in a very long time.
But alas, spring is upon us, and there is much to do, and much to look forward to. For that, I'm very thankful.
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