"I don't believe in social bullying"

posted by Jeff | Tuesday, December 30, 2014, 5:15 PM | comments: 0

We bought an electric car this year because it's really fun to drive. Also, as a technologist, this sort of thing is pretty much as gadgety as you can get. The science of batteries and torque and such are neat-o to me. And yes, the green cred doesn't hurt. Conversely, I view the Cadillac Escalade as one of the purest examples of American excess and desire for status. It's a completely ridiculous car by every measure I can think of, but I try to be zen about it and kind of shrug my shoulders over people who need that kind of recognition.

This story isn't about any of that.

I was pulling up to Ikea, a pretty bad idea between holidays, when I noticed that one of their electric/hybrid/fuel efficient spots was open. Right on, I thought. I turned around the corner, where a woman in an oncoming Escalade pulled into the spot. I was pretty speechless. It wasn't that I desperately wanted to park there (a little walking never hurt anyone, and the lot was not very full), it's that this person had the nuts to park there.

So I rolled down my window, ready to ask her if her giant car was fuel efficient. Before I could even get a word out, she began the exchange.

"Sorry, I don't believe in social bullying."

I was so taken aback by this that I wasn't even sure what to say, so I said, "What?"

"I don't believe in social bullying."

I'm assuming that she meant that there were some societal forces judging her for driving a big and ridiculous car, but that thought crossed my mind a few moments later.

"No, you don't believe the rules apply to you."

I started to drive off, and I think I muttered "asshole," possibly audibly, but I was kind of giggling at the sheer absurdity of her statement. All I could think of was the hilarious scene in The Big Lebowski where Walter goes nuts when he thinks Smokey stepped over the line while bowling.

Sure, we encounter ridiculous rules all of the time. Sometimes we follow them anyway, and go about our lives. Whether or not you think Ikea should be designating parking spots for certain cars probably doesn't matter, but good on them for making some kind of statement for driving toward the future. At the end of the day, it's Ikea's store, and I think you follow their rules. It's like if I ask you to take your shoes off at my house, even if I have black carpeting. Whatever, it's my house.

That said, what really bothered me was the "social bullying" thing. I can't even wrap my head around how stupid that is. Is this well-to-do white person, with her honors students at private schools (she has the stickers to prove it), really suggesting that in some way society is somehow causing her to be at a disadvantage for the car she's driving? That she's being pressured into driving something else? I can't rationalize this or see her point of view at all. I mean, does she feel her life is being disadvantaged by some organized conspiracy to promote alternative energy?

What's most disheartening about this, and admittedly I could be reading into it, is that even people who have money and status are complaining about how they're victims. As a compassionate human being (which apparently makes you a bleeding heart liberal now), I can empathize with people who are disadvantaged for some socioeconomic reasons, and if they're actively trying to overcome those issues, I fully support them. Entitled people who already have it good? Not so much. If you're crying in your pinot noir because someone told you "no" or doesn't include you in something, you're not a victim.

I do worry that this is an extension of the people raising kids with participation trophies and going with them to job interviews. Life isn't always fair, and sometimes it's hard, but if you think being told where to park your Escalade is social bullying, then perhaps "mo' money, mo' problems" is true. I fear for your children's' future.


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