The myth of stability and security

posted by Jeff | Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 2:26 PM | comments: 0

You may have read some of Cath's posts about being stressed out in vet school. We had a discussion about that and other things in life, and came to the conclusion that people who seem to have stability and security in life are chasing an impossible dream.

I don't think that it's pessimistic to say that in life we can achieve periods that are less chaotic than others. I don't look at that as a glass-half-empty view. Quite the contrary. The more volatile and disruptive things are, the more likely that there are opportunities staring at you in the face.

It seems that someone teaches us early in life that leading a stable life means going to college for something clever to do the rest of your life, getting married, having 2.1 kids, a pet, a mortgage and two cars. But who really does all of that, and is truly happy? I can think of a few people who are close to something like that, but they're in their 40's and have lived a life of chaos in the mean time.

I guess my point is that the chaos is OK. My college dream was to own and program a radio station. Instead I've had a significant career change, nine full-time jobs, three lay-offs, five cars, two apartments, two mortgages, a divorce and two cats.

Despite all of that chaos, I'm happy most of the time, and wouldn't trade the experience for anything. Unless you crawl under a rock into the fetal position and cry all day, every day, you'll get along just fine. Chaos is an inevitable challenge, and somehow, most people deal with it and lead fulfilling lives.

I know a couple that lives in the illusion of stability and security. They actually do have the marriage, kids and such, but they're two of the most miserable people I know. It's not that they don't try, but I don't think it's meant to be. Maybe they do it for the kids, but I just can't imagine staying together and giving nearly two decades of your life and staying unhappy. Finding the courage to break out of that cycle is hard.

I did the same thing a couple of years ago in my job. Imagine your first time working hourly at a rate that would easily net you six figures. The company has more money than God, you don't have a lot to do and it's super flexible. The American Dream, right? I hated it. Getting out of bed was torture and everyday was a soul-sucking experience. But there it was, no chaos, only stability and security.

Eventually, I realized the price to my happiness was too great to continue, and I finally broke out of it. There was risk, and I came out of it OK in the long run, because I embraced the ensuing chaos. It was probably the first time in my life that I really had the courage to do something that radical.

I've been making it a point to check in on myself the last few months, to see if I'm getting comfortable with the myth at the expense of my happiness. Sometimes I do see that compromise, and it's still hard to react to it. Isn't it weird how it's hard to be courageous for your own benefit?


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