I have been a shitty asshole all day, not feeling like myself. I haven't been in this much of a funk in awhile. I'm suffering from gastro-intestinal discomfort too, which I suppose could be brought on by the strange emotional issues.
Of course, it feels even more complicated when I try to nail it down, and convince Diana that I'm not crazy. How do you explain why you're in a funk to the person that brings the most joy to your life?
When I write like this, I tend to gain more perspective and understanding. The true reason for the funk is still not clear to me, but I think it's that the holiday season was a generally positive and consistent experience for me for the first 20 years or so of my life. Since then, they seem to have become a roller coaster and source of constant change. As much as I embrace the radical change in my life as being mostly positive, I long for a sense of comfort and familiarity. Comfort for me doesn't result in complacency, it results in motivation.
I'm more thankful than anything to have someone to lean on this year, especially someone that loves Christmas. I definitely need the help putting the cheer back into it.
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