Annual health checkup

I had my annual physical last week. It was pretty much the usual thing for me, which is to say all of my numbers are good other than triglycerides. They were in fact a little worse that last year, which is not surprising. I've had a somewhat bad relationship with food in recent months, which is to say it's too carb heavy, while my physical activity has been dismal.

Almost every year, I get into a mode of self-loathing over this same thing. Well, not last year because I was somewhere between France and Iceland when I got the labs back. Solid distraction. But again, the reason for the tri's is not complicated. I don't eat enough fiber, too many carbs, not enough movement. I've got 10 years of Fitbit data that I can correlate with tri "scores," and more activity matches lower numbers. I know how to fix it, but I haven't, so why?

This leans well into mental health, which I'm excited to say is something that I think is getting better. I'm back into a monthly rhythm of seeing a therapist. Mostly I'm trying to figure out how to manage anxiety, which makes it hard for me to commit to regular activities. I also think I have some kind of weird damage on the subject of exercise that I can't explain. My diet isn't great, but I haven't had red meat in almost 20 years, I don't usually eat a lot of over-processed packaged food, I don't drink soda at home, we don't consistently have junk snacks (not those that I want to eat, at least). It's less about removing things than it is getting the mix right. Lately I can't stop eating rice and and potatoes.

With that in mind, this year I don't want to get into the self-loathing cycle. I recognize that a lot of my anxiety starts with poor sleep. I'm finally beating that with edibles, and after six months, find that 5mg of THC is the sweet spot to make me tired, reduce the "thought spirals," but not cause a high feeling. It has been a game changer for me, and I'm sleeping now like I did pre-pandemic. Since I can't leave the state/country with it, I know how well it works from traveling. That rest is the foundation on which a lot of other things... rest on.

I still feel good about being "over" depression, feeling deeply about things, but the anxiety is still tough. I don't think it's something that I can easily treat with meds, so I haven't pursued that. I'm finding relief from it by listening to music, and trying to lean into things that trigger my ADHD hyperfocus. The latter is the thing that I don't find enough of, but it's coming back to me. I feel like I'll be able to get on that treadmill again, because my best window is first thing in the morning, and I'm waking up feeling good again.

Aside from escaping my own brain, other things are still mostly good. All of the other labs are normal, including low LDL, and the thyroid numbers are right where they should be. That's what rosuvastatin and levothyroxine get done. I'll have to take those for the rest of my days, but they work so amazingly well. I take 4g of icosapent ethyl a day for the triglycerides, but it's not magic like the other things.

Age isn't being terribly unkind yet, which is to say that the only thing that really comes to mind is sore knees in certain weather. I don't get winded doing normal things. What hair I have left is mostly not gray. My near eyesight isn't what it used to be, and I notice it has a lot to do with how tired I am, or how much screen time I have. It gets noticeably better after a week of vacation. Minimum distance is still shorter than my arm, for now, but I don't do well in dark situations.

Is this the year I crack the numbers game? Maybe. Some things feel more urgent than they used to be.