I managed to get through the urge to buy stuff I don't need last week (agitated by Neuski wanting to buy something ;)). That's the problem with this time of year. When I'm shut in and the weather blows, I want to buy stuff to temporarily fill the void created by having fewer opportunities to breathe fresh air and hang out with people. I suppose last weekend helped with that.
My strange arrhythmia is still there, but not so pronounced. It even seems to go away when I'm totally relaxed. But right now, particularly after a meeting this morning, I'm all jacked up now and anxious, so it's back. I hope to God the doctor is going to tell me tomorrow that it's just anxiety related. Can I have some Prozac? Thank you!
Orlando can't come soon enough. Honestly I don't even care that much about the theme parks as much as I just look forward to warm weather, nice accommodations and sipping girlie drinks by the pool.
I wish I could put my finger on where all of this anxiety came from. Honestly, most of the summer I've felt more relaxed than I have in years. I feel like I found my "zen place" and was able to reside there most of the time. Now I feel like I'm missing something, or there's something I need to worry about or whatever. Perhaps I picked a poor time to stop seeing my therapist!
It's funny, because I look back at blog posts from previous years and sometimes I don't even recognize the person that wrote them. I'm not saying that's good or bad, just different. The way people change, frequently and drastically, makes it really hard to stay on target to be who you want to be, let alone who you want to be with. Scary stuff!
I was thinking this morning that I don't recognize myself lately either. But that's one of the big jokes of life, isn't it? Change is the only thing that you can count on. And when I look back, I am sometimes nostalgic, but mostly GLAD that I have changed. Some people had me pegged as "not the relationship type" I was livin so crazy, and now I am happier than I have ever been! You're a huge part of that Jeff, the love you have made me see in myself. Part of the anxiety of this time of year is working yourself up over nothing. It's a calendar. I try to remember the calandar cannot tell me how to feel. Snow is romantic. It doesn't stop you from seeing any friends, you do that. And think about how wonderful these holidays will be knowing you get to spend them with me! Imagine how great your living room will smell when there's a pine tree covering up the Luna's pee!