Just as how I had to re-train myself when it came to eating and not assuming it automatically meant future pain, I now have to start taking charge again in life. People around me are still okay with writing off laziness, procrastination, or apathy on my part as me simply “not feeling well.” That’s no longer the case however. So, really, not only do I need to re-train myself, I also need to make sure those around me are once again okay with kicking my ass when necessary.
I sure can relate to that. I feel a little beat down right now. But the thing is, I didn't recently have my large intestine ripped out, so I feel like I don't have any good excuse for being a lazy sit-around douche. I keep waiting for something to happen and then begin to cower in fear as soon as I feel as though it might. That's fucked up.
Truth be told, having my large intestine "ripped out" was probably one of the best experiences of my life. I've become stronger both physically and mentally as a result.
I was counting down the days (and eventually hours) leading up to the procedure. I couldn't wait to get in there and finally be rid of the disease. And yet, about 12 hours before I was to go under I got really nervous. I actually had a few thoughts about not wanting to go through with it. My response to the situation seems to share some similarities to what you are experiencing, although not exactly the same.