Calm before the storm

posted by Jeff | Wednesday, March 3, 2010, 10:55 PM | comments: 0

The in-laws checked into bed about an hour ago, stuck on Carolina time, and it's strangely quiet in the apartment. With people here now, and having spoken to both of my parents today, it feels remarkably real now. We're going to be parents in about 33 hours.

I feel bad that I've had it remarkably easy up to this point. Not that observing Diana's crazy mood swings and cravings was always fun or easy, but I wasn't barfing, bleeding, and brought to tears when I couldn't even sit comfortably. Even going forward, if breast feeding works out, there's still some physical burden on her greater than my own.

But I realized today just how much the anxiety I mentioned recently has been fucking with me. The physical manifestation has really messed with the IBS as well as my already questionable diet. I've been binge eating for about a week now, something I haven't done in years. Isn't it weird that fear causes me to eat less (last endured in the post-separation era of my previous marriage), and yet anxiety has me eating crap on a constant basis.

Mentally I've been nearly useless too, much to the dismay of my coworkers I'm sure. Fortunately, this week has involved our go-karting, an all-hands meeting, and TechFest, so even if I'm not making strong contributions, at least I'm absorbing. I mean, I saw some stuff today that completely blew my mind. (We can't talk about what we see, unfortunately.) The weird thing is that I'm actually already looking forward to going back in April, I think because I treat the baby as part of the bigger transition of moving.

Tomorrow is more TechFest, and the in-laws are coming to campus for lunch. I have a lot of concern that it'll be impossible to sleep tomorrow night, but we've gotta be at the hospital at 7 a.m. By 9, hopefully we'll be in recovery and marveling at what we made. The next four weeks have little on the agenda beyond endurance and adjustment. Exciting times!


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