I saw an interview tonight with David Byrne, where he made a comment that I've been thinking a lot about lately. Anderson Cooper asked him if he had changed over the years, and Byrne said something to the effect of, yes of course, can you imagine never changing?
It's funny that we have various cliches about this, ranging from "people never change," to "the more things change, the more they stay the same." As I approach yet another milestone birthday, I think about all of the ways that I've changed, and the ways that I might change in the time that I have left. Just the other day, talking to a coworker, I made the almost defensive statement about not listening to music that I liked when I was in high school. Granted, I was coming of age in a volatile, and fast changing time for music, so I'm sure that's some of it, but I still seek new music and prefer it over "old" music. My tastes change.
I went through a period of stagnation in my early 30's. I stopped creating things, or at least, created a lot fewer things. I wasn't thinking about what was next. I had no sense of exploration, wonder or curiosity. I know now that some of this may have been my neurodivergent wiring, but I'm not that way now. My sense of purpose is different. I'm not sure I care what my identity is anymore, other than identifying with people who don't want to be put in a box. (It sounds like that has all become more complicated, but I'd like to think that disregard for identity is less complicated. I mean, half of America seems frightened by people they can't put in boxes, or literally behind walls.) All of this change and freedom to be what I am in the moment has been a lot of work to get to, but is it not the inevitable result of years of taking in new information?
There's no question in my mind that I've been very fortunate in my life to see a great many things, and meet a great many people. I may have observed some pretty terrible racism early in life, in my family no less, but I was a child of desegregation in 1979 Cleveland. Moving to the suburbs in high school opened my eyes to the different worlds that existed only miles apart, and going to college at a small D2 school in rural Ohio opened my eyes further. Professionally, I met smart people early on, in different fields, and in software, began to meet people from all over the world. I'd like to think that for a guy who didn't get off of the mainland until I was 28, or move out of state until eight years after that, I've seen a lot.
Admittedly, this sounds a little like I'm giving myself a little trophy, and maybe I am, but I do so to illustrate that I can't imagine not changing dramatically. I didn't know shit in my 20's. Or 30's. Maybe a little in the 40's (which aren't over yet, dammit). I accept that I probably have a great many blindspots still.
But this lived experience also makes me wonder how people can get so... stuck. People seem to cling to beliefs and values as sacred things that are not malleable. Why is that? All of what we believe is learned, so why do many people stop learning, and thus, cease to evolve their world view? My earlier comments about music are probably not fair, because you like what you like when it comes to art. Art can often be more valuable with age. And yes, I'm focusing on the people who get to old age who are hateful and dislike people who aren't like them. When your time left gets short, how do you still believe that those beliefs are worth the energy? How does that serve you?
I've changed a lot. Every single day, I'm given something that changes how I see the world, even if it's just a little bit.
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