There were a lot of serious things on my mind this weekend, and in my nightly brain dump, I'm trying to sort it out.
The contemplative state began when I started watching Wonderfalls with Diana, because I had to share the best show on TV no one ever watched. With its themes on fate, being true to yourself and listening to the little voices (even if they do cause a 'sode) are all things I can totally relate to. You just want to find a point in it all.
We went to a party last night composed mostly of Diana's tennis friends, and it was interesting because I might have been the youngest person there. I tend to be the oldest at most parties! It was cool though to spend some time with her tennis partner and chat a bit because she's fun. The party reminded me though a little of my childhood church, where the median age was like 80. People talking about ailments and deaths and such.
That in turn got me to thinking about loss, and that was augmented further by some really upsetting news today. Loss is a pretty intense thing and comes in many flavors. You can lose your keys, your job, and in the worst of scenarios, someone you love. In fact, there seems to be an inherent risk in loving anyone or anything in fear that you could lose it.
I try to keep my losses in perspective by comparing them to others, which is probably not fair for me. My biggest loss to date was my marriage, and all things considered, that turned out for the better for both of us. But other people lose parents, grandparents and other things that are harder to deal with.
And that brings it all back full circle to the fact that it's other people that help with the processing of loss, so you can continue to live your life. You have to love people, at risk of losing them, to make it easier.
In that respect, I think of Diana as a Christmas miracle for me, because we're a pretty good team at picking each other up. We almost wish we'd have some kind of disagreement just to see what that's like (and have make-up sex). We're so open and honest that it's probably disgusting from an external perspective about how we roll. We don't put each other through any bullshit because there's no mystery about what the other is thinking. It's liberating.
So with all of the ups and downs, I think I'm finally coming out of this one on the up side. Life can come to an abrupt ending, and that's reason enough to enjoy the moment you're having right now.