"Don't be interesting, be interested"

I was reading an article in Business 2.0 last night where they asked 30 different business leaders which single philosophy plays the biggest role in their lives. There was one that stuck out for me, one that I've always known and practiced, but never really put into words.

Jim Collins, a management consultant and author, explained that a mentor of his once sat him down and told him that he spent too much time trying to be interesting instead of being interested. That struck a cord with me.

I don't think I generally try to be interesting (except when I'm trying to capture the hearts and minds of the kids I coach), but being interested is the thing that defines the relationships in my life. All of my closest friends and romances have been powerful and meaningful because of my interest in the other person (and generally the reciprocation of that interest). I'm fascinated by the details of people's lives, about what they do, what they think and what they feel. My therapist says that's part of the reason that women make better friends (and lovers) for me, since men don't tend to share the way women do.

I haven't always been good at it though. I've gone through periods, some lasting years at a time, where I've become kind of self-absorbed. I don't mean that in a "hooray for me" kind of way as much as I mean in a deeply reflective and self-evaluating way. That's something I want to work harder on, because the balance of getting yourself and understanding the framework of support that you operate under with friends is important.