The kicker story on NBC Nightly News tonight was about a woman who ditched an ad agency job to start making greeting cards that weren't stupid cliches. Apparently the number one selling card is one that says something to the effect of, "Let me be the first to punch the next person in the balls who says that everything happens for a reason." As a cancer survivor herself, I sure get where she may be coming from.
I absolutely cringe when I hear someone say that phrase. I totally understand that people mean well, but I can't think of anything less satisfying and borderline patronizing than this. My reasons are many, but let's start with the obvious: Things happen because things happen. In my mind, there's something freeing about accepting this. People get cancer because some environmental or genetic circumstance triggers it. People die in car accidents because humans aren't always great at operating machines. People get divorced because they are not optimal partners.
What people are often after is that there is some bigger reason that supersedes the logical reasons I just mentioned. There are so many reasons that I reject that. Fate is not a thing, and to the extent that we can, we're all empowered to greatly influence the direction of our lives. And yes, we make a lot of bad decisions. Others defer to "God's plan," which I've always rejected, even when I had less ambiguous faith. If God allows people to suffer for some bigger reason, that's not gracious wisdom, it's cruelty at a cosmic level.
I get the intent, but please, think about how it may make someone feel. When someone is having a rough go of things, the last thing they want to hear is that their pain is the result of some seemingly random and impossible to define force.
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