It's not that I've felt particularly bad or anything. Stressed out about stupid shit, yes, but not feeling bad exactly. There's a part of me that is kind of resurfacing. It's the part about taking on the world and enjoying the possibility that I can make it my bitch. I'm starting to care about things.
I think in part it comes from all of the people going back or going off to college. Stephanie is of course a grad student, and when she talks about going to campus (John Carroll, not CSU), combined with the cool fall weather, it reminds me of how I used to feel about it. To add to that feeling, I have all of these former volleyball kids and young friends who are going off to school.
In a way it's kind of disturbing, because I remember seeing 30 and 40-somethings when I was in school just totally beaten down without dreams or drive, and I promised myself I'd never get like that. I'm not quite that bad, but I think I've suffered from a little indifference the last couple of years. That's no good.
I feel good about a lot of things right now. My marriage, my technical achievements, this site, my overall position in life thus far. There are some things I need to work on, like not eating like an asshole, but the most successful people are always at least a little critical of themselves.
The thing I want to work most on right now is making time to enjoy myself. I've got my hand in a lot of projects right now, but I can't let that keep me from stopping and looking around every once in awhile. It's Ferris Bueller syndrome.
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."