Going to bed hungry

posted by Jeff | Tuesday, May 3, 2011, 11:00 PM | comments: 0

February and March left me kind of a mess. Or at least, a few pound heavier. I can't say that I have an eating disorder (I've had friends at both ends of that spectrum, one of whom is dead), but I don't have to be a genius to see that I've abused food and used it as a something to prop me up when I'm anxious.

Interviewing and getting a new position, along with the ongoing anxiety around my house, really put me in a weird place those two months, and I packed on about five pounds. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but that puts me at the top of the range where I start to feel gross. I can see it in the mirror, and I don't like it.

The problem is more that I've managed to undo some of my lifestyle change that I had managed to hold on to for years. I'm still not eating red meat, and I don't eat fastfood, but I still make some poor choices. I get the tots at work. I snack late in the evening. I drink soda at my desk. I didn't even realize that I was making poor choices until I stopped to think about it and look back. I resent myself a little for it.

It's certainly not the end of the world, but I need to boost my awareness again. With nicer weather, that's going to help too. There are ways to manage the anxiety as well. I'm still about 16 pounds below where I was at the start of 2005, but I'd like to get back down to 26 under that. 46 under would be even more ideal, but I'm realistic about that given my strong distaste for exercise.

After hitting Chipotle for lunch, I did manage to keep dinner down to about 500 calories, including a beverage, so I do remember how to adjust. I'm a little hungry, but it's no problem to make it through to breakfast.


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