I'm a bit of a mess right now, because I just resigned my position from the volleyball club. This was the hardest thing I've done in a long time.
There has been a rapidly growing expectation gap between me and the directors in terms of what it takes to build a successful national team. The shared practice situation in particular is a deal breaker, and I would've never signed on if I knew that was their intention. Combine this with the fact that I just learned that one of the practice locations was a half-hour away from work, which is already 45 minutes away from home, and I just couldn't deal. The thought of driving an additional 150 miles per week is horrifying, especially when I can't even use the time in a way that makes sense.
The last nail in the coffin came when half of the kids called off for the first practice, and two more said they'd be missing half of the second practice. As if the negotiation and posturing and outright lying on behalf of parents and kids during tryouts wasn't bad enough, I began dealing with attendance issues before we even started.
I can't even tell you how sad it all makes me. Something that was so wonderful seven years ago has turned into something else entirely. I'll take partial responsibility for the expectation gap, as I can't entirely fault the club for that, but the way things are going in Northeast Ohio is unsavory to say the least.
I'm sure I'll coach again at some point, I just don't know when. The advice I'm most frequently given is to be true to myself, and despite the pain associated with giving this up, I do know that it's right for me. (A byproduct of blogging is that you can pretty easily sniff out your own bullshit, and this doesn't smell like it.) The club director I talked to was certainly disappointed, but I think generally understanding, and I know they'll find another coach. I'll still maintain the Web site for them.
I've never broken up with anyone, but I suspect it feels a lot like this. It makes me sad, but at the same time I feel like a weight has been lifted.