I helped

I had lunch with a friend today who is navigating the world of dating after divorce. While our situations were different, our pre- and post-relationship experiences were similar in terms of the range of our dating experience. I've come to the conclusion that if you don't have a ton of dating experience when you get married, your skill level essentially freezes. That makes it all the more hard to get back into it when you're in your 30's or 40's.

Anyway, I've always enjoyed counseling people, going all the way back to college. I remember the triumphant feeling I had when I mediated a roommate conflict with one of my best friends. As time went on, I found that I spent too much time talking and not listening when I would engage in these situations, and I only really learned that during my own counseling post-divorce.

So I listened to her issues and quietly processed what she had to say. Toward the end of lunch, I was able to draw some reasonable conclusions and offer my perception of her dating issues. She said she felt so much better, and thanked me. That's a pretty good feeling, to know that you helped someone like that.

Me assuming the role of Dr. Phil like that isn't always easy. I think there are two problems. The first is that I have to draw on my own experiences to really offer any insight. I don't know how effective I'd be in helping were it not for the fact that she's going through things I went through two years ago. The other thing is that I'm not good at this if I'm really close to the person. I was never good at helping Stephanie with her problems, and I had another relationship that I was too deep into to be effective. But with a good friend where the stake is simply the good friendship, listening and helping comes really naturally.

I wonder if maybe that was my true calling. I don't even know what you get to be licensed or certified for offering psychotherapy, but I'm pretty sure it's more school!

Oddly enough, she helped me as well, indicating that my career, location and relationship changes are exciting. Funny how sometimes you need someone else to state the obvious about your own life.