I feel like anxiety and discontent has been the standard since the pandemic. I feel like it's been years of worry, insomnia and anxiety. Then, this weekend, something clicked. I was alone for much of it, but I felt content. I almost forget what it's like.
When I decided to tear down the "paid" forums, I also learned that there was a new, cheaper but better tier in Azure to host stuff, but it required a lot of manual movement and redeployment. Saturday night I started that work, after finishing up a beta version of my unofficial Hyundai app. I enthusiastically finished that up Sunday. It felt good to be making and shipping things, and I can't wait to do more. I've been really enjoying the new car, and looking for reasons to drive it. I've been more active about finding good new music. I just feel like I have more energy for all the things.
Naturally, I wonder why these feelings have been absent for so long. As recently as last week, I was stewing about the damaged fridge that Wayfair delivered and was slow to respond about. The car buying nonsense grated on me, because the sales process is just so full of bullshit. Prior to July, the job search was really getting me down, and it has been for months. Parenting has mostly been a nightmare this year. Diana's appendectomy and related issues had me on high alert for awhile. Oh, and everything the old man in the White House is doing is hurting the economy.
I feel like the last time I really felt at ease was on our vacation aboard the Treasure, nearly a year ago. "New" travel really helps, and that cruise felt new because of the new ship, and it was a solid week. Prior to that, we did DC in 2024, and Northern Europe in 2023. It's those longer trips that really allow me to release, but those are more short-term fixes. What I feel right now is just in-the-moment feels, which I haven't had in years.
Of course, I expect that something will happen to ruin the feeling. That's certainly one of the things that I struggle to change about my outlook. But dammit, I'm gonna do my best to go to bed relaxed, and one of these days maybe I'll have a continuous night of sleep.
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