Here I am again with my iPod and Stephie's iBook (see, Apple really is about lifestyle), on the couch writing this because I can't really sleep.
I think the problem is that with Steph home for break, I don't really have a set schedule. When she's in school, she leaves around 8:30 or 9 and I get up. But without her cue to say she's leaving I just kind of sleep until whenever, which combined with staying up late and napping every other day has me all screwed up.
Tonight I'm actually fairly tired. I only got about six hours of sleep last night (up until 3 writing code), and we had just a 45 minute nap. The problem now is that my mind is racing about so many things. For example, I'm already thinking about volleyball tournaments that are months away, finishing code that's just going to take awhile, securing another book contract, paying the taxes, taking another vacation, wanting a child some day (or adopting one), making a film or short film, wondering if I could audition to be a Blue Man... it just never ends!
What's so irritating about all this is that I wasn't like this a few months ago. I remember over the summer how chilled out I was. Steph asked me if I was depressed or something because really nothing phased me. I liked just being relaxed, sipping orange juice on the deck with some toast in the morning, writing the book when I felt like it, spending half an hour messing with the cats... I was so relaxed!
I guess at the time I was just so relieved to not be working for The Man that all was right with the world. That's still a great feeling, but now that I have so much purpose for being I'm getting myself all unbalanced and not relaxed. Nothing racing through my mind is particularly threatening or terrible really. I wouldn't say I'm stressed. I just can't let the stuff filter out of my head and let more basic things fill my head, like enjoying the warm bed, thinking of ice cream, sex or a warm breeze (not necessarily in that order).
Steph says to make a list of things to let them go. I think that perhaps writing them out here is kind of like that, so hopefully now I can get to sleep.