Life is intense, but not always hard

posted by Jeff | Saturday, February 24, 2018, 9:00 PM | comments: 0

I typically post a link to my blog posts on Facebook, which is where I get a lot of feedback from friends. When I posted 22 bandages, an account of how we deal with Simon's picking problem, there were a lot of expressions of praise and empathy. I greatly appreciate these gestures, but just as social media can often suggest that people live a perfect life, I don't want anyone to think it's all bad, either.

I would describe my life mostly as intense, and definitely not all bad. Yes, there are days that go by where I go to bed with nothing left, emotionally and physically. I don't imagine that this is particularly unique among parents, even with the ASD and ADHD challenges. Raising kids can be exhausting. I also have days where work, rewarding as it is, leave me ready to unplug and not think about anything technical at all. Those situations are intense, but certainly not bad. I'm amazed at how often we do great work with so few people.

I'm not at all a Type-A personality. I can't even relate to "those people." My BFF is very Type-A, and she plans a lot and checks boxes. I love her to death, but I couldn't roll like that. I need time where I do nothing, or spontaneously do stuff I had not previously thought much about. More to the point, I need to allow myself to be like that without self-loathing. As such, I've decided that my Saturdays, as much as possible, have no agenda.

Today I woke up, and for whatever reason, watched Oceans 11, because Clooney, Pitt, Damon, Mac, Cheadle, et. al., are the tits. I took a nap on the patio. I walked out to get the mail. I vacuumed upstairs. Watched another movie with Diana. Listened to tunes, had a fruity drink. Watched fireworks. Wrote a blog post. I had no intention of doing any of this... I just let it happen. I need at least a day a week to allow for that.

The hardest "personality adjustment" that I've made in the v2.0 of my life has been to both pursue a better life and person, while not feeling bad about the recharge and down time. There is something wonderful and calming about doing nothing, drifting off into a nap. I wake up feeling refreshed and awesome, with new ideas and excitement about big picture and minor things that happen every day.

Life is hard at times, but that's not unique to my life. The challenge is to not let the intensity blow out the chilled out times. It's OK to go at it hard, but let yourself do nothing. Let that time be productive in unexpected ways.


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