I spent a little down time this afternoon watching the retrospective that ABC did on Peter Jennings Wednesday night. To say the guy had an extraordinary life is an understatement. Not only do I have enormous respect for him as a journalist, but for his thirst to absorb everything that the world had to offer and to create positive influence in the world.
I feel like a broken record because I've been looking for meaning in what I do for years now, and this show threw me into that loop again. I don't need to have the influence of Peter Jennings to be happy, but I need to feel like I spend my time doing things that feed the soul. In my contract job, the only thing I feel I get out of it is money. That sucks.
That's in stark contrast to other things I do that make me happy, and by extension make other people happy. Coaching is probably the best example of this, where I have a measurable effect on people. There are so many kids that I've influenced and built relationships with that it's getting harder every year to keep up with them all. But it's such a sweet problem to have. Every minute I spend with the kids makes me feel like I'm doing my part in the world.
Even maintaining my silly Web sites makes me feel like I'm doing something that contributes to the world. They're not going to cure cancer or anything, but some people enjoy visiting them.
I'm not unhappy, I don't think, I'm just continually frustrated that the things that really feed the soul have almost nothing to do with making a living financially. If I'm doing something that is only for the money, is it really worth doing? Seems like a real waste of time when you consider we don't have a ton of time in the first place.
My head hurts.
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