Maybe I just needed something specific to look forward to

posted by Jeff | Thursday, December 17, 2020, 9:16 PM | comments: 0

As if things weren't weird already, we're simultaneously seeing the rollout of vaccines and the worst rates of death and hospitalization yet. It's a strange mix of optimism and dread. For me, I selfishly just wish I could get on a boat or a plane and leave the country for a bit. When contemplating the year, I realized that vacations are what keeps me sane. Any time I didn't have something on the calendar, I felt anxious.

I put something on the calendar.

We booked a beach rental for a few days, for a change in scenery. It's not quite leaving Florida, but with school still in session (funny how even now that limits our travel options), it's a chance to do some remote school and work from the beach, combined with the cathartic action of letting waves punish you. Just knowing that's happening has done wonders to reduce the non-specific anxiety I've had lately.

There's a lot of optimism about how maybe next fall will be normal-ish, but everything about the pandemic is not entirely predictable, which is part of the reason it makes everyone feel icky. Having some level of predictability, as well as the possibility to spontaneously do whatever, makes us feel safe and alive, respectively. Having neither is gross.

Navigating anxiety this year has been challenging, to say the least. I've been rolling with it periodically on and off for years, but this year has been particularly rough. I can't believe that I never thought to schedule certain events to help.


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