Misplaced my happy place

posted by Jeff | Thursday, May 12, 2011, 10:44 PM | comments: 0

I realized today that I've been tweaked out. Simon was frustrating me because he wouldn't stop touching something he wasn't supposed to be touching, and I yelled at him. That's stupid because he doesn't understand anger or consequences very well, so I was being completely irrational.

And even that came as I had acquired at least some perspective earlier in the day through various conversations and observations. Maybe the causes aren't important, but they were adding up. I'm tired of being sick. I hate the uncomfortable feeling of the ramp up time in a new job, where it doesn't feel like you're really adding any value. The weather has been unusually shitty and cold. I'm really missing my "normal" spring routines (read: amusement parks and the friends that love them). I had a buyer for my house that backed out. It all adds up to put me in a pissy place, despite the obvious acknowledgment that most of this is completely out of my control.

The perspectives and observations, and a really bright sunshiny day, really did start to get me on track though. I've been choosing to focus too much on that pool of things I can't control, instead of the things that really make me happy, and that's not me. Or at least, it's not the me that I strive to be.


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