I've been thinking a lot about anxiety, amidst my constant thought spirals. While I've learned that anxiety is often a product of your experience, and you have to figure out how to respond in the moment, I'm still obsessed with understanding if the context of life is part of what makes it worse. For some reason I think that if I get the reasons, I can better deal with it.
At the basic level, I understand that things that I can't resolve right now are the source of considerable anxiety. Being inbox-zero helps, but there's always something that's further away you need to resolve at work, while at home you are always working to get your kid to adulthood. The reinforcing side effect is that I'm often unwilling to engage in resolving those long-term things. And yes, I know, that's what anxiety is, the icky feelings about what's ahead.
The thing that seems to make it worse is my age and the passage of time. When you're less aware of your impending demise, it's easier to just blow things off, knowing they will pass. That's harder in midlife. Because what if this thing I'm doing is a "waste of time?" The passage of time seems faster when you encounter fewer novel experiences, and this itself is now a source of anxiety. We went to Europe an entire year ago. It still seemed fresh at the time of our last adventure, the DC trip in March. How can an entire year have passed already? I know that working remotely probably reinforces the routine. I feel like the weekends come so fast.
This is why I see a therapist, and she's right that being present in the moment helps a ton to get beyond the anxiety. Listening to music helps me so much. What I do less of lately is visit the theme parks, which are still surprisingly novel (perhaps because they've changed so much). And in the summer we don't have shows, one of my happiest places, where every show is a new experience. I have rediscovered this year that video games are really great at distracting my brain, and I've played and finished quite a few. I do wish I did more social things, but maintaining relationships is exhausting, and trivial interaction feels low-value. Very thankful for date nights.
The causes of anxiety can't be expelled from life. I mean, sure, there probably are some bigger situations and people you can get away from, but the baseline life stuff is baseline life stuff. Focusing on the immediate things is the cure for anxiety, but it's so hard. I think we're wired to be anxious, as a species that spend most of its history trying to survive. Now, in some cases, we may not even need to leave the house very often.
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