Last year it became clear that working for myself was indeed what I needed to do to be happy. Generally speaking, I am happier. What I find lacking is the satisfaction of my creative side at times. I'm struggling to figure out how I managed that.
My career as a code monkey has only been in progress for about six years, but in that time I've established a point where I can bill a ridiculous hourly rate and I wrote a book. It's ironic then that I would stop and wonder if it's really what I should be doing. I enjoy writing code, and in the last 18 months or so I've reached a new level of ability that I'm excited about. So why am I not entirely content? I can have money and status, but I'm not sure if that's what I need.
Indeed, coaching is the thing that feeds the soul the most, but that's not a job, and if it was a job, I'm not sure how fun it would be. I've also got that creative film/video thing that I want to do in the worst way. These are things not entirely compatible with my day job.
For the time being though, I need to stick with the project I'm on, because frankly I can't afford not to. Last year's "break" from a day job is something I'm still paying for. I wouldn't say I'm stressed about money, but there's no question that I need to makes some serious bank so I can get out of debt and prepare for new expenses in the coming year. I'm also trying to stay focused on getting the business debt eliminated because of the volatile ad market for specialty publishers (not to mention I'd like to actually keep some of the profits for a change).
I don't know... I'm not unhappy, just... frustrated that I'm not sure what exactly I want to be doing.
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