I had one of those days at work. I just wasn't happy there, for a number of reasons.
It kind of culminated in some raised voices between me and my boss. I was probably in the wrong for that, and I'm big enough to admit it, but the reason he was getting up in my space is why I was annoyed in the first place. It was an issue of time.
The specifics are boring, and I don't want to air that kind of thing in public anyway, but suffice it to say that I'm having a hard time fitting in culturally. As a consultant, I've learned more about software development as a process than I could ever recall. Regardless of the methodology, there is a method, and it generally involves specific roles and structure. Even iterative development styles start out with a reasonably clear goal in mind, and you get to that goal before your revise it.
And therein lies the problem. Despite all of this "process" around me, with meetings, disparate documentation, more meetings, and drive-by by-the-ways, I'm left either waiting for someone to do something (at which time others perceive me to be wasting time surfing the Web), or I'm spending time beyond the normal work day trying to catch up.
As a consultant, I always knew the value of my time. When I had to wait for something, I didn't work, and I didn't get paid. When I had to get things moving, I did work, and got paid, even if it was working from home. There is no question about accountability or earning your keep in that scenario. But when I wasn't working, I could be doing other work, and I think that's where I'm having such a hard time fitting in with a salary culture. I feel very strongly that my time is the only thing that I truly own, and I want to control it.
I'm trying to be objective about it as I can, to make sure that I'm not just being a stubborn asshole. When you're objective, you tend to want to compare for a frame of reference. So as I look at my co-workers, and I generally like most all of them, I see very different perspectives that are unlike mine. One guy has never had any other job, and knows only this going back to the early start-up days. Another guy shows a lot of fierce loyalty to do what it takes, I assume for some personal motivation. Yet another guy just goes along and doesn't want to rock the boat.
The truth is that I think those guys are right just as much as I am, because of different perspectives. I have a very, very rich perspective on things after the last year or so. Some of it is personal, like the separation, while other perspectives come from seeing others find themselves, put up with abusive relationships, or even recently, watch a new friend essentially deal with an inevitable and early death. As I'm now pulling out of my quarter-life crisis, more than ever, I understand how precious time is, even if I don't have a well-defined purpose in life.
Well, there are certain things I can define. I remember back in 2001, with my first lay-off and subsequent depression, being stressed out and working crazy hours didn't get me anywhere in the long run, that was for damn sure. I don't want to go back to that now, and I don't think I'll have to. But I also don't want to be in the uncomfortable feast/famine work cycle either. I like the people I work with, because some of them are fucking brilliant. I like my boss too, even though we got a bit heated today. I just want the process to run smoothly, so we're not always barely making or missing a deadline. The process needs to be better.
Talking through it like this really helps me see the bigger picture at least. Culture isn't easy to change. I don't think it's really my place to change it anyway. It's just that I've seen it work better, and I wish it did.
Time is so very precious to me. I like what I do, but it's not all I do. I need my employer to respect my time, so that I can respect my employer.
You sound so much like Gordon who considers himself a "bad dog" because, unlike his buddy who is the "guy who just goes along and doesn't want to rock the boat", Gordon wants to get things DONE the way they should be, and is vocal about it. He'd rather call in that sit around all day doing nothing while waiting on someone else.
Of course, that's why he's now working at Guitar Center and loving it.
Good luck. The corporate world is a bitch.
While my situation is different, I completely understand. I find myself trying to make real changes for the good and get a cultural block from some folks.
Being the "new Manager" has its own challenges. I am the first manager brought in that is a professional manager as opposed to a home grown person. I do not know how to do what my staff does, and I do not pretend to tell them how to do it.
It is my job however to help them find better more effective and efficient ways. In some cases I get a blank look. In one case I asked a project manager why she did not come to an important meeting. She said she was too busy. That's acceptable to me, but when I asked her to please let someone know she was not attending next time she was too busy, she told me "that's not our culture here, it's not the way we do things". I was floored. This is the same woman with the doughnut from an early post by the way.
When you see something that can be better for everyone, speaking up is not always easy. Just as being bored is not easy. Finding that happy balance is not easy.
Some folks say, "work to live, don't live to work". I agree with the sentiment, but reality kicks in and someone has to pay the mortgage.
Of course, I come "the Man" side of the picture, but we are not all corporarte automatons. But those that are sure make the rest of us feel some extra grief at times.