The last month or so has been kind of rough for us. Oddly enough me not having a job really hasn't bothered me or caused any significant stress at all. Our families have been a source of stress though, but it comes at you from a couple of different fronts.
At first, you think about how terrible the problems are on behalf of the family members, and because they're your family, you too feel bad about it. Then you feel stressed because even though you don't want to admit it, you feel guilty and selfish that your family puts these problems on you as well.
It's strange, because my grandfather said last Christmas that family was the most important part of your life. While that might be true, I'm tired of feeling guilty for thinking that it's not. I realize that so many of the things that I don't like about myself or my personality are rooted in issues with my family. I never had the security and comfort in my family to feel that it was a unit I could rely on or go to in times of need. I didn't find any of that until college, ultimately starting my own family with Stephanie.
I know a lot of people will tell you, "Oh, but that's every family." I think that's a cop-out bullshit statement. Some of the kids I've coached have these great relationships with their families. Hell, I'm astounded that this year none of them even come from divorced families.
The more I talk about it, the worse I feel, and that's crap too. I didn't choose my family.
But I'm going to try and not let it stress me out. I can't control my family. I can't control the past. I only need to concentrate on my new family, even if it consists of little more than my wife and two cats. They make me happy, and I'm not going to feel bad for prioritizing things that way.
My immediately family, Gordon, Ian, and my mom are my highest priority, and my brother and Gordon's sister are next. But all the rest, including my father in Utah, are on the periphery.
It's true that you are more likely to support those who support you, and frankly, except for my mom, I find we receive very little support from anyone. Sure, I might feel bad when something bad happens to them, but I'm not one to go out of my way for people who ONLY come to us when they need something. I have a thing against people who are constantly taking and never giving. I don't feel guilty about it at all.
There is no law that says we have to love and put our families first, especially when it's never earned.
People who always use a cliche and say you can't choose your family certainly don't have families like ours. Slowly, I'm learning that perhaps I can't choose them, but I can choose to live without them.