At lunch today I read the Wired story about Jim Gray, a well respected computer scientist who deserves a lot of credit for laying the foundation for many of the data systems we use today. He disappeared at sea without a trace, and the tech community that loved him couldn't find him.
There was one quote from him that I really identified with.
Asked which of his achievements made him most proud, Gray once said, "The people that I've mentored."
Wow does that stick with me. When I really look hard at my life, most of the success, career, financial, relationships, etc., comes second to even the smallest examples of where I made a difference. When I get sentimental about life so far, few things give my life definition the way that mentoring relationships have.
Enabling the success of others is a very powerful thing. It's mostly a thankless job, but the pleasure you get from it comes in the satisfaction of knowing the impact you had. For me at least, a lot of it has come from coaching volleyball. Sure I've gushed before about Caity, but even some of the bigger picture things brought me a lot of satisfaction. Five of the eight girls on Caity's team made college teams. My Elms team went from D4 average to competitive and advanced. Those were amazing times for me. It doesn't matter if anyone else sees it, because I do, and it makes me smile. No one can ever take that from me.
I experienced similar feelings of satisfaction with the publication of my book. It never did sell very well (though we'll see what happens now that it has been translated to Chinese), but the few random e-mail messages I received showed that it helped people. The scale is unimportant.
A lot of friendships have been mentoring relationships for me as well. I look at those as an obligation in many ways, because I was on the receiving end of those friendships early in my post-high school life. A number of key people believed in my abilities and intelligence, and treated me like I would do great things in life. How strange it is that I've had the opportunity to do the same for others, when some days I don't think I have it figured out myself.
Some people contribute money to better the world. Others contribute their time. Still others do the most noble of things, and raise children ("small versions of adults"). I truly believe that these are the things that give us the most fulfillment in life. As shitty as the world can be, I still believe that this quality is something in all people, and it's probably the last thing that gives me hope for a better future.
A friend of mine complained loudly and long over his lack of achievement now that he's reached his 30's. He feels he hasn't accomplished much of anything of note. I told him he's got two daughters. He says that's not the same thing.
I totally disagree. I think every person alive has made a mark in some way, even if it's some kind gesture done for someone. You don't have to do be acknowledge in history to have accomplished something. And, to me, my greatest accomplishment is Ian. HE is my legacy and there's no telling what he might accomplish in his lifetime. In his field of neuroscience research, who knows? Maybe he'll be part of finding a cure for Parkinsons or Alzheimer's. Maybe I won't get a mention, but Ian wouldn't be here if it weren't for me.