Post-vacation clarity

posted by Jeff | Wednesday, February 12, 2014, 12:46 PM | comments: 0

Our little vacation last weekend was rather quick, but it sure helped me find some clarity around all of the stress I've felt lately. I can partially attribute this to the disconnected nature of a cruise (though bandwidth is pretty cheap onboard, so I can't rule out status updates from the next cruise).

This isn't one of those generalized observations on life posts... it's specific to my own. Namely:

  • The house drama is almost done. Yes, the lender is still asking me for arbitrary nonsense "for the file," and it takes every ounce of control not to tell them to suck it and allow me some remaining privacy and dignity.
  • The financial impact of buying is temporary. I'm still squeamish about rolling a ton of cash into a house, knowing it could disappear. My grown up self likes cash, not so I can hoard it (because I can't take it with me), but because it makes you flexible and able to account for the unexpected. It's what got us to Florida.
  • These issues relate to the bigger stress of being the provider. It's what I signed up for, so I'm cool with that, but it wears on me. Reality is that I'm pretty good at it, and at the end of the day, I know that the most important things I provide aren't financial.
  • Simon can be a handful, mostly every third day. Some days, I feel like I can't be what he needs, and I don't like myself for that. As it turns out, he has the best mom ever, and it's rare that both of us can't be there for him at the same time. Diana has been fully in charge with his various issues being diagnosed and addressed.
  • I'm an idea person who isn't good with personal execution. There are so many things I can think through that would result in everything from a sustainable business to a better world. Yet, when I get home, all I want to do is wrestle my kid (or my wife :)). I'm hard on myself about this, but I also see what my strengths are. At work, I feel like I'm kicking ass and taking names. I'm better at directing people and process to implement my ideas than executing them directly. That makes career direction more obvious.

The bottom line is that a little time away gives perspective, and helps you work out the things that weigh heavily on your brain. I can never wait that long again. Life is pretty good, and one has to look around to remember that.


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