Random pandemic thoughts, high frustration edition

posted by Jeff | Tuesday, May 5, 2020, 10:20 PM | comments: 0

Everything is better! Open the bars, lick door knobs, it'll be fine!

Nothing has actually changed in the last two months, other than a lot of people are dead or infected. While I get that people are frustrated, stir crazy and enduring financial hardship, this weird optimism will lead to a lot of bad decisions. Look, I don't know what the answer is, and I'm frustrated that we have zero national leadership capable of honest assessment or action. I'm worried about the 80 million people not visiting my neighborhood, and the impact it has on our economy, but I'm not gonna sure here and pretend they should all start coming back.

Anyway, some random thoughts about random things...

  • Team Puzzoni is getting a little fluffy. I already tend to eat my feelings, and we've had wonderful fresh bread and some pretty enormous takeout portions, which doesn't help. We're doing laps around the neighborhood on foot or bicycle some days, but it's going to get harder when the humidity starts.
  • How much has the federal government done to assist in vaccine and treatment research, relative to throwing a trillion dollars at everything else?
  • I though there would be more drinking during these times, but the reality is that my body can't take it. We're reliably pouring on Friday nights, but usually it's two or three drinks spread out, which is enough for me to feel less great on Saturday. Our favorite liquor is getting low, but fortunately there are a ton of stores doing curb-side. Delivery too, but you'll pay an extra $20 at least.
  • My work hours have been pretty long, which is to say that I've flirted with some 50-hour weeks. I'm really enjoying the work and the people, but some days I feel spent. I've forgotten how to set some boundaries there, but I'm not answering emails late or on weekends. It's the daily duration that I'm not getting up and moving around at lunch, and some days cutting into dinner.
  • I don't like to talk about work, because it's for a growing company and that induces "survivor guilt," which my therapist assures me is bullshit I need to let go of.
  • Emma, our eldest cat, is not well. After two vet visits, she doesn't have anything obviously wrong other than a treated ear infection and some weight loss, but she's not right. At 17+, it's expected, but it's kind of sad. We also weren't able to locate a couple of kittens before the pandemic, as we were trying to get Birmans or Ragdolls because of their typical temperament and theoretical less allergy aggravating qualities (there's no such thing as a hypoallergenic cat, it turns out, but there are varying degrees).
  • My radio show got picked up in Guam and West Virginia, for a week at least. I don't care of it's any good, it's one of the best hours of the week.
  • I'm watching Spike Lee's Masterclass on independent film making. I really need to see Black Klansman.
  • There's a Facebook group for Ashland University radio/TV alumni, and it stirs an interesting set of feelings about my experience, and where college fits in life. My views have completely changed in the last 20 years. I'll have to write about that.
  • All of this being at home makes me wish that we would have expanded our patio and provisioned a hot tub. We've chosen to travel though in the last few years, both in our cruise habit and road trips north and south to visit the in-laws, plus two really epic, spare-no-expense anniversary runs to NYC. I don't regret that at all, especially last year's. I may largely be leaning on the feelings of zen from the Cleveland hot tub years, but it always, always made me feel at peace.
  • I want a slightly bigger, higher quality TV to replace the one I've had for 10 years. I don't need one, I'm just bored. Although to be fair, the TV in Simon's playroom is 4K, and some things on Netflix are definitely sharper. This feeling will probably pass.
  • I'm reading The Death of Expertise, which is equally useful in demonstrating how full of shit most people with more influence than me are, but also how full of shit I am.
  • All of the hand washing and cleaning on Disney cruises doesn't seem excessive anymore.
  • As I try to navigate what keeps me on edge about entering middle age, a lot of it is the stupidity I exhibited in not saving anything in my 20's. What was I thinking, not contributing to a retirement account until I was 33? All of my excuses were bullshit, and I see that now. As you know, the uncertainty of the world agitates these kinds of observations and feelings.
  • That new microphone I bought, suspended from a boom on my desk, it's connected with an XLR cable. There's something beautiful and enduring about the XLR.
  • I'm surprised by the way I flip flop between joy and appreciation of my darling son, and guilty contempt for him when his behavior is suboptimal. I'm endlessly thankful for the patience and love of Diana. I don't have to worry about us.
  • These photos of Walt Disney World, empty, make me really sad.

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