I remember reading a great article in the last year, maybe in Wired, about the early onset of midlife crises and the tendency for people to freak out about their lives. It also detailed a process that was related to it, where people carefully considered whether or not they were achieving anything "meaningful" (I'm not even sure what that means). A key component of the crisis was defining what success looks like, defining it poorly, then redefining it as something "less," only to get depressed because the new definition felt like compromise or failure. Pretty cool, eh?
When I first read that, it really struck a chord with me, and it made perfect sense. I've had the unusual but fortunate opportunity to meet and talk with a great many people ranging from CEO's of public companies down to entrepreneurs of one-person companies. The titles of these folks never had anything to do with their actual level of success. Many have chased it, but the effort was futile because it was so poorly defined.
For example, I've known people who built up something relatively small, made a nice living from it, and maybe even sold it. That was successful. I've known CEO's who built something up, watched it fall apart, while living lavish lifestyles. I don't think that's success. I've worked for total schmucks that seem to get away with running a mediocre business in perpetuity, but I wouldn't call that success either. In fact, success rarely has anything to do with money.
I learned that lesson when I was doing contract work, swimming in cash. The cash didn't make me happy when I hated what I was doing. In fact, in some ways I'd say my greatest success and happiest times have come in periods of self-employment, or even coaching. When I stop and think about it, I've been successful for pretty much my entire professional life, and I'm successful now. It certainly has nothing to do with money, cars, houses (or hookers and blow... just kidding).
If I were having a midlife, then one would have to ask, "Are you making a compromise, because you couldn't do what you wanted to be successful?" Well, no, that would be moronic. There's always something more/bigger/better that I can reach for, and that's a healthy way to grow and be a well rounded human being. It does not, however, invalidate your achievement of the moment. If you stop and look objectively at your life, it's a safe bet that you're already successful. Why not celebrate that?
I was thinking about that today on my drive home, given all of the things I wish I was doing more of, advancing levels at work, going to nationals for volleyball, launching new Web sites, buying a house, etc. Just because I haven't achieved those things doesn't mean that I haven't already achieved success.
Changing your definition of success isn't admitting defeat, it's giving yourself a little credit. If you don't do it for yourself, how can you expect others to?
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