I was having a good chat with Carrie over lunch about the things that influence our decisions and walk through life. At the core of our discussion was the reasons we accept sub-optimal conditions.
There are two things that can steer us out of bad situations, whether we're talking about bad relationships, bad jobs or bad anything. The first is experience. Everything about our lives colors our experience, whether it be how we were brought up by our parents (or witnessing their relationships), who we've dated, where we've lived, where we've worked. You do what you know, and I think what we don't know often binds us to crappy situations.
The second issue is that our minds create the biggest self-defense by way of imagination. When something is not ideal, we fill in the blanks and imagine things are better than they are, simply as a self-defense mechanism. I know that has kept me in crappy jobs longer than I should have stayed, and I've watched others do the same to stay in crappy relationships.
If we don't know of something better, how can we act? Unfortunately, people telling you about "the better" has limited impact, since it doesn't compliment our own experience, and our brains compensate to create an ideal that isn't actually there. And when you think about it in that context, it seems we're all doomed to a great deal of suffering and unhappiness in life.
I don't know how you fix that, but as someone who wants to procreate, it's on my mind. I don't want my kid to live like that. I accept that they must fail, and fail a lot, to learn and succeed in life, but I don't want them to experience as much suffering as I have. I want them to have the right grounding, even though they won't have all of the answers.
Indeed, I suppose it ultimately comes down to the ability to accept that the wisdom offered by others has a value that you can't ignore, and must be open to. Our own experience and self-defense must not dominate our vision.
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