Sore all over, inside and out

posted by Jeff | Wednesday, March 4, 2009, 10:33 PM | comments: 1

After last week's accident, my ankles are both like rainbows, if rainbows were ugly and had more in common with black holes. By Saturday, I was walking pretty normally after I'd get up and move around a little.

Now I'm finding myself just being sore, in the ankles and the knees. It really didn't seem like that big of a deal when I did it, but clearly I bent my legs in all kinds of ways that I shouldn't. That kind of scares the hell out of me, because I've not generally subjected my body to any degenerative injuries before, and that shit doesn't get easier as you get older.

The timing blows. I was just starting to get motivated to at least be a little more active, frankly doing anything, even walking, and now it just doesn't feel good to be on my feet for long periods of time.

I find myself being sore inside, too. I find myself feeling very melancholy. I think I know some of the reasons, and I'm not fond of talking about them. Part of the reason is that I don't think they're particularly good reasons, and I've spent a lot of time lately not finding worth in what I feel, which is total bullshit (and perpetuates issues of self loathing).

I'm feeling emotionally intense in general lately. On one hand, it makes you feel very alive, but it also leaves you prone to breakage. I feel like I need a good laugh or cry or something, just to break the tension of stress and my constant brain churning. I know it's normal, given that I'm about to do one of those top five most stressful life events (marriage) which reminds me of another one (divorce) and I fairly recently had another of the five (job change). I'm fortunate that Diana gives me a little room to be neurotic now and then.

For now, I need to put that ice on the other ankle...


Comments

Carrie, March 5, 2009, 5:22 AM #

Sometimes not talking about what you are thinking and/or feeling, for any reason, is a sure fire way to sentence yourself to suffering from it for a long time. Saying things out loud often changes them. It can bring about a release that may not even require any further action.

In other words, let the "stuff" out and you will likely find yourself letting the "stuff" go.


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