We've spent a lot of time lately talking about what Simon's biggest challenges are with regard to how we proceed with school (short answer: regular kindergarten). Mostly, we worry about his disregard toward doing things he's tasked to do if he's not interested, and also a growing problem with inflexibility and deviation from routine. All things considered, especially for an ASD kid, he's super social in most circumstances, and academically his teachers say he's doing pretty well.
It was the second issue, the routine and inflexibility that we struggled with today. I wasn't expecting it, because when we got to Magic Kingdom tonight, our periodic "boys' night" thing when Diana works on a Friday night, Simon had a string of deviations. First, he got into the tram somewhere in the middle, when normally he insists on the very back or front. Then he got on the monorail, when he expects the very front is the only acceptable place to board. He similarly got on Thunder Mountain and the train where ever, and didn't force his way down the middle of Main Street on the tracks.
One of the things we try to do is to figure out coping strategies for things that he finds difficult. Of course, that's harder when you don't have any idea about his motivation for certain things. The strong desire and insistence to be in "number one" of certain things is not at all rational, or more to the point, the complete meltdown when he doesn't get his way is not rational.
Perhaps it was him getting tired, but when we agreed to leave and go over to the Polynesian for some ice cream, he ran up to the monorail platform and pushed his way in front of some people waiting to board the first car. While I'm pretty sure they didn't care, it was more the principle of him going in front of others, and I told him we were sitting in the second car.
A meltdown came next. I know, this was preventable. I let him cry it out as we waited for the next train. This is the kind of situation where, in the past, I have not been very well equipped to handle. My greatest shortcoming as Simon's dad is responding emotionally in ways that don't help, and maybe make things worse. I felt pretty good about how I was handling it, not raging, and hitting a good balance of helping him without protecting him to a fault.
Then some asshole had to chime in.
"I've been there. Now I just stand back and laugh and be glad it's not me."
It took every bit of restraint that I had (and a lot of kids around me) to not tell this guy to fuck off. He had not been "there," and had zero context about the situation or the challenges that my kid deals with. I absolutely can't stand these know-it-all dickheads who think they have all of the answers, when experts have a hard time putting the puzzle together, let alone those of us who live with kids who have a hard time.
I was able to get beyond it, and it took some time on the train before I could talk him down and congratulate him for adjusting to not being in the first car. It's the weirdest thing to cheer on your kid for doing something that should be completely in the realm of everyday activity, but sometimes, that's what you do.
As we were lying in bed talking at bed time, Simon said, "I'm sorry you made me not happy, it was an accident." He has quite an awareness about things that make him unhappy, even if he's not entirely sure how to explain them (we get stories like that about school frequently). It's exhausting, but I hope we're doing right by him.
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