While I'm certainly not picking on Tyler's post, I think I've really started to understand that the ability to "just be" is a skill that's really hard to come by.
When you're younger, you're eager to do all of the things that "grown ups" do. You want to live the American dream so to speak, and have it all figured out. That in itself is a good thing, because without that drive and curiosity, well, we call that living on public assistance. :)
What they never tell us, and they tell us a lot of things, is that life isn't simply going to college, figuring out something clever to do for the rest of your life, getting married, buying a house and having kids. Most people want those things, and most people do attain them, but it assumes that the world will conform to that vision. It almost never does.
I remember thinking in college that the people who graduated in front of me who didn't stay in the broadcast business were washouts. I used to think they just couldn't cut it. What I know now is that many of them simply didn't enjoy the business, or found more fulfilling or lucrative work doing other things. The problem is that you can't possibly know that until the opportunities have appeared in front of you.
Relationships are a lot like that too. I thought Denise, the girl upstairs my freshman year, would be my future wife. I just feel like a moron over that. I couldn't get over the programming at all. Then I met Stephanie and figured, hey, there are other people out there for me, but this is the one. That one took even longer to figure out, and I never considered that it's even more crazy variable when it involves another person.
In the long run, things have worked out pretty well. I don't feel like I've wasted any time with all of the direction changes since I graduated high school. What I find so staggering is how I couldn't have anticipated any of it. I mean, my imagination wasn't even remotely vivid enough to think up my current state.
And when do you "get there?" You can climb the career ladder, raise a family, achieve all measures of success, but what then? Will you miss anything while trying to achieve the things you think you want? Is it OK to change what you want?
I think it was just this year that I figured out how to just be, without getting wrapped up in looking for a destination. I still suck at it (see endless rants about working for myself, finishing sites, etc.), but at least I have the awareness now. There is love, excitement, opportunity and life all around me, right now. If I think back, there always has been. While being mindful of the future and my goals, I find myself at my happiest when I can just enjoy the moment.
"Because that's all life is, Sister - a series of moments. Why don't you seize yours?"
-Loki to the nun, Dogma
I relate to what you are saying. Lord knows my life has taken the lane shifts you discuss here. But I guess I want to point out that the penchant for change, new directions, and varied definitions of success wasn't always the norm.
The American dream used to be a very real thing. Folks lived according to those tendencies... finding a mate, man finds a career with a company he will stay with until retirement , woman stays home and raises the babies, they own their own home, and then they retire and move to Florida.
Times have changed. Most people (men and women) change careers 5 or 6 times and staying with one employer is almost unheard of. Marriages are not the commitments they once were. Obtaining assets is harder given the increase in debt and disproportionate levels of income to cost of living.
My point is that I believe that this drastic change in societal norms helps lead us to the challenge we have with "just being". I believe this is because there is such a disconnect now with what we are taught is the American dream and what we learn through experience to be normal adult behavior.
I'd rather die living, than live like I'm dead
You can't plan life. You can try, but it's always going to thwap you upside the head when you least expect it.
And why want it any other way? Life would be boring otherwise.
On the road of experience, trying to find my own way. Sometimes I wish I could fly away. When I think that I'm moving, suddenly things stand still. I'm afraid 'cause I think they always will.
And I'm looking for space and to find out who I am. And I'm looking to know and understand. It's a sweet, sweet dream. Sometimes I'm almost there. Sometimes I fly like and eagle. Sometimes I'm deep in despair
100 points if you know where that is from.