We talk a lot about relationships on this site, and how to make them work. Inevitably, Gonch comes in and mentions how his marriage has been easy and doesn't require any maintenance. After a marriage and various short to medium-term relationships, I think I finally understand what the hell he's talking about.
Diana and I, after living together three months and dating for 10, have never had any arguments. It is, for us, effortless. I would not argue that it's my personality or hers that make this possible, but rather the combination of our two personalities. Obviously with my marriage and dating experience, I don't operate the same way with everyone. Diana has had a similar experience. So there's this unquantifiable thing defined by the combination of two interacting personalities. Some work, so don't.
This leaves you with questions if you're out playing the field. First, is everyone able to find a person who can co-exist this way? I don't think so, but I think the people who can't are rare. Second, do you know when you have it? That's harder, because you need something to compare to.
For example, I suck at cleaning. I don't make it a prioritized task, and when I have time available, I want to either slack or work on my various projects. Diana will just start cleaning stuff, and I'll feel bad about it because that's the way I was "programmed" to feel in past relationships. My experience influences the behavior. Now I have to peel that back and realize that the negative feelings aren't necessary.
In other cases where you have negative feelings, and you feel the other person causes them, that's when you have a clue that perhaps things aren't right. When it becomes a pattern of negatives, that should be a dead giveaway. I'm now of the opinion that allowing yourself to exercise in broad compromise over bigger picture things is akin to be dishonest with yourself. Over time that can be really destructive.
I'm not suggesting you need perfection. I am suggesting that if negative feelings pile up, that maybe the other person isn't best for you. In my case, the worst thing I can come up with about Diana is the funny way she loads the dishwasher, and that's not even on the radar of being something I care that much about.
The only variable I can consider a threat to this is that people change. I guess the scope of change, more specifically, is the threat. If I decided tomorrow to, "You know, walk the earth, meet people... get into adventures. Like Caine from 'Kung Fu,'" I'm pretty sure that Diana would not be interested in being with me, and that's to be expected.
Why don't they teach this shit in college?