If only there was some kind of ointment for it.
When I look back at the last eight years or so, I've spent a lot of time self-deprecating in a manner that suggests I'm all talk and no action when it comes to manipulating ideas and desires into actual tangible things. God only knows how many posts I've made over the years about working for me.
There are actually two truths on this topic that perhaps I never realized until recently. The first is that I have in fact managed to create and execute on a number of things that most people never do. I wrote a book, sold software, started several successful Web sites (and some failures). The second thing is that collectively, these endeavors have not produced enough revenue to sustain me outside of a day job now and then.
Looking at it in that context, I think I'm finally ready to do away with the negativity I've typically directed at myself. The definition of success is something I've centered on the revenue component, instead of putting it somewhere between the revenue and execution, where it should be. I've done stuff, and I've made some money, or at least more than I would have if I didn't do anything. That's something I should take pride in.
The most positive result of this was probably that it landed me a really good job, that it turns out I like most of the time, and I've been there for two years. They weren't impressed by previous gigs, only by what I had done on my own, including the sites and the book.
Of course, over time I begin to stir, and I wonder how long I'll be content to do the regular gig. While I get to do interesting things and enjoy professional growth, I also feel like the 40 hours (plus another 8 or so driving) per week takes away from what I could be doing for me. I don't know what the big idea even is to pursue (it's definitely not consulting), but reading Wired and Fast Company makes me want to do... something.
I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually. It's just one of many things I want to accomplish. I wonder if this will be the year for it, if not for a big bang, then for an incremental step.