This Christmas should be interesting, as I'll be living the total Mattoni family experience. The out-of-towners are coming to Ohio, and we'll be visiting Toledo again as well.
I can't emphasize enough that I'm glad to be a part of this new family. That said, it's so different that it serves as a reminder of how much things have changed in the last three and a half years. It's not even that the change is entirely bad, it's just that it makes me sad to some degree.
I think the sadness comes out of the fact that I just never expected any of it. Maybe I'm even a little scared of further change. There are so many memories tied to the holiday season, and every year you keep packing in more. It gets a little overwhelming when you think about it.
There's a part of me that also believes that I need a holiday to just be about me. I know that's selfish, but whatever, it's what I feel. Fortunately, I get to share that kind of day in April with Diana. As much as I don't like to need external validation, you have to admit that it feels good when people are looking out for you and providing for you. Holidays too often become about a shit-ton of accommodating other people at the expense of your own needs.
So I'm trying to keep perspective for the next two weeks. Things are different, but they are different better. Redefining the season is not easy, but I've gotta do it.