Diana and I have been talking a lot lately about some of the things that have fallen short of our expectations since the move. These have been pretty deep conversations about our fundamental level of happiness, and a serious evaluation about whether or not we did the right thing by moving.
Let me cut to the chase, before diving in. After almost five months, we can only describe it as different, and not better or worse. On some fronts, we're winning, but on others, we're definitely losing.
On the plus side, I can't even tell you how nice it is to have a house again. I honestly don't care that it's this particular house, but it's a house where we can paint, decorate and park a hot tub. Even though our ideal world doesn't have us here for more than three or four years at most, we're able to nest and make the place ours because it's not a rental. That's something we could never fully realize in Seattle. We always felt so transient in terms of the place where we slept and parked our cars.
The other huge win is financial. We have way, way more free cash flow now that we're not paying for two places to live. I don't know that I'll ever feel like I'm making up for lost time in terms of saving for retirement, but at least I feel like I'm getting somewhere. The irony is not lost on me that I live in the very place that was previously making that progress difficult, but being able to see a future for us, and Simon, is something I've never had. Heck, even the financially traumatic car crash and replacement wasn't that horrible.
It's hard to weigh these benefits against the negatives, because they're not easy to compare. The biggest negative we're struggling with is the lack of a robust social network. Sure, we have some of our best friends here, but we don't see them all that often. In some ways I'm sure that's our own fault. The worst part for me is not seeing my work friends. I'm surprised at how rich some of my friendships in Seattle became, and I hate not having those people around me.
Even more difficult is not seeing our PEPS circle of friends. I suppose you can call it a "mom group," but those families are all my friends, too. More importantly, it was a great social circle for Simon, and that's what makes it hard. I feel like we screwed him out of that great little group of toddlers, and that makes me sad.
And even harder than that is not having my brother-in-law and his family a mile down the street. For me it was a little like having an older brother (for Diana it was that), and I got to be Uncle Jeff to Simon's cousins. So not only did we have some of Diana's family, but Simon had relatives his own age.
You can see why I have a lot of internal struggle over this. The wins are offset by the losses, and when you stack rank the importance of these factors, you wonder if they're weighted equally. The social issues are particularly hard for me since I don't leave the house for work, and Diana and Simon are somewhat bound by the shitty weather.
It's not all dark on that front. Spring will bring with it a great many new adventures. We had a sort of preview over the holidays, being able to travel by car (accident not withstanding) to see Diana's dad. We already have plans booked to go to that region again to meet up with friends for a weekend. There are countless trips to Cedar Point in our future, water parks and other trips. Plus we'll have hot weather and thunderstorms. We'll also be able to throw an epic party again. I miss having parties. Needless to say, we're also hoping to visit Seattle.
One thing that does scare me about the social issues, is what happens when you add a third location to your life? My God, how complicated is that?
So I suppose you could say that the grass here is not greener. Like I said, it's not better or worse, it's just different. The reason that we're struggling with that, I think, is because we expected better. Instead, we've just shifted the burden around. Here's hoping spring gets us to a place where we no longer feel like the net change was zero.
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