We've been lucky with Simon in that he does really well with many common social contracts, compared to many kids with ASD. The basics of being polite, for example, are something he is generally very good at. (Although he's often too rigid, insisting that every "thank you" be followed by a "you're welcome.") In terms of general social skills, he's generally got it nailed down.
The classic ASD meltdown is often caused when a kid reaches a point where he or she can no longer reconcile data and circumstances in a logical fashion, causing an unusual amount of stress and frustration, and there's little to do but let it run its course. We've seen this with Simon many times around his inflexibility in certain situations, like sitting at a particular table for lunch, or riding in only the first car of the monorail. But I'm starting to wonder if he's also melting down in disciplinary situations because he simply doesn't understand cause and effect.
I certainly could be wrong, but to this point I've generally blown off his behavior issues as the usual act of testing boundaries and being pissed when he doesn't get his way. It just seemed like the response at times was too extreme for it to be that simple. But in another unusual but fortunate circumstance, Simon is getting really good at expressing his feelings in words. So after today's meltdown at the pool, where he refused to get out of the water or put shoes on, we talked later.
His position is one he has shared before: In response to one of us asking him to do something, he says, "I was mad because you weren't listening that I didn't want to." Remember, this is a kid who can be so literal that he says "no" when you asked him if he read a book at school, because technically he didn't, his teacher did. I'm starting to put together that his meltdowns may be the result of the irreconcilable series of events that he sees. He doesn't want to do something we ask, so he says no, and he can be justifiably angry about it and tell us that, just as we've asked him to do. Reprimanding him or punishing him may seem wrong to him, because he's done what we asked in terms of expressing his feelings in words. Simply put, he doesn't understand that there's a cause and effect that starts with his rejection of our authority.
I'm not sure exactly how we teach him that the arrangement begins with him complying with our instructions. The punishment seems to be completely illogical to him, and therefore completely ineffective. He's not being a spiteful douchebag, he's expressing his frustration that he believes he's doing everything as he should. It's another one of those subtle wiring differences that we have to figure out. This one is particularly hard. It doesn't help that it's so hard for me to keep a cool head and not react emotionally. I take it personally sometimes.
No comments yet.