Like a lot of people, maybe all people, a new year makes me reflect a bit. What I stopped doing at some point was making resolutions. I think it's stupid that some arbitrary change in the calendar, an infrequent one at that, is reason to decide to do something. I tend to think that self-awareness is reason enough to continuously consider what you want to do or change.
But one thing that sticks out in my head with the passage of another year is that I still haven't made a movie. Not a short, not a feature, not even a :30 advertisement. It pisses me off.
There are a number of mental barriers in my head, not the least of which is that I'm worried I'll make something that sucks. I should probably count on it that it will suck and just get over it. I'm not sure why that concerns me so much. That's partly why I really wanted to find a screenplay by someone else, so I could focus on the creation and not the writing. I thought about grabbing something from the Amazon Studios, but I don't want to release any rights to distribution.
When I am writing, my other mental block has to do with music. When I say that I feel like my life has a soundtrack, I'm not kidding. I think with music accompanying whatever is on my mind. Music is so key to all of the movies I like, whether it's a John Williams score or a carefully crafted collection of songs in a Cameron Crowe movie. That I can't simply use whatever I want gets in the way (as does my general high regard for copyright).
The real problem though is that I just make too many excuses. I don't have enough free time. I'm raising a child. I have a day job. My ass is chapped. Whatever. There's always a reason. At the end of the day though, it falls into the category of everything else in life. If I really want it, I'll make it happen.
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