The parent you don't want to be

Simon and I had a boys' night out today, while Diana is off in Pittsburgh for a well-deserved "fiber arts" conference (read: gathering of knitting nerds). Since we needed a few things from the grocery store, I figured we'd grab a bite at our favorite restaurant as well.

This was the start of a wave of exposure to the kind of parent I never want to be. First set: An extraordinarily attractive couple in business attire at one table, with the father dicking around on his phone and the mother doing some kind of paperwork. The two kids are literally begging for attention. When one gets up to watch the caged lizard move to his bowl, the father looks up and starts yelling at the kid for sitting on the floor. Because, you know, kids never should do that. These are the kind of people who are douchey in a business setting, but they were extra-douchey as parents.

As we're pulling out of the parking lot, another mother allows her 3 and 5-year-olds to linger behind unsupervised in a busy lot. Who does that? People suck at driving, especially in parking lots.

Then there's this asshole hilljack who finds out his daughter posted dramatic dislike for her parents on Facebook, and then shoots up the kid's laptop and posts the video on Youtube. Really? Wow, I can't imagine how that kid could possibly be so dramatic. Where would they learn such behavior?

I don't expect to be my kid's best friend and buddy, without discipline. But I'm trying really hard not to screw him up by understanding that he learns negative behavior from us before anyone else. You know the passive aggressive stuff people do with their tone, or by forcefully shutting a door? I've caught myself doing that in response to some of Simon's more difficult behavior, and I have to stop myself and ask what the hell I'm doing. If he is disrespectful or a douchebag, it's because he learned it by watching me.

This is a particularly sensitive topic at the moment, because Simon is exhibiting all kinds of negative behavior right now, as is typical for his age. It's extremely difficult sometimes to be the grown up and remove myself emotionally from his boundary testing. Fortunately, seeing examples of what not to be helps me keep focus. I'll never have all of the answers, but there's no shortage of data showing what not to do.