The single cycle

posted by Jeff | Thursday, July 19, 2007, 10:33 AM | comments: 0

I was chatting with a friend at work who is still adjusting to her divorce. Mind you, her situation is a little more complicated because she has a 7-year-old girl, but it's funny how many things I can identify as common to the post-divorce process.

You start out feeling that independence is the key to being happy, and become hell bent on achieving it. Then you hopefully start to reconcile the good and bad of a relationship, and hopefully put into perspective that there were good times. Later you start to feel that, hey, emotional and physical intimacy sure does feel good. The whole process is interspersed with the occasional desire to give and receive orgasms, which probably interferes with your judgment a little.

The one thing that does match, or should match the pre-marriage thing, is that establishment of independence. What I struggle with is the idea that the independence can't co-exist with the feel good part of being with someone. You can have both, but only if you can honestly say, "I'd be OK even without this other person." It's pretty hard to muster up the courage and true belief that's true, especially if you've had a long-term relationship. The only reason I can believe it now is because I survived, and I'm better than OK.

Anyway... nice "light" conversation this morning at work. :)


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