I wasn't sure if "neuroawareness" is a thing, and it seems like it's a company with a dead trademark, but it's also a dumb name I'm giving to the self-awareness that one may develop when diagnosed with not neurotypical things like ADHD and ASD. Made up word or not, mine has been developing a lot over the last few years, and that's good and bad.
On the plus side, if you know things, you can act on those things. A year ago I wrote about how noisy it can be in my brain. That was hardly an epiphany, but it's funny how some things seem obvious once you see them. I suppose if we were any good at seeing ourselves, therapists wouldn't get any work. But that's one of many examples where I understand more about how my brain works and how to work with it. Yeah, I realize that sounds like some kind of mind-fuck, as it can get into questions about what consciousness itself is. I try not to go there, usually by reminding myself of the science. It's all about dopamine and my brain cells partying together. I don't take anything for ADHD, so my cells are kind of like "squirrel!" and "let's ride bikes!" most of the time. Bupropion is said to have some minor impact, as it's a dopamine reuptake inhibitor, but I don't think it does much. This winter I wondered if it was even heading off depression.
Unfortunately, knowing isn't always half the battle, G.I. Joe. While I understand how the hellawhack shiznit that happens inside my brizzle works, it's hard for me to logically accept that I can't just will myself to have better concentration. This is part of the thing that I've been trying to unlearn since I was diagnosed. My difficulty in school and college was not me being lazy. I just couldn't reliably plug in when I had to. But I'm surprised at how many daily mundane things I can't easily finish, let alone big things like editing my documentary. This is particularly evident when I sit down at my desk in the morning, and somehow within the first minute I'm bouncing around between work email, personal email, checking bank balances, scanning news headlines, etc. Or when I make grilled cheese for Simon, I burn it, a lot, because I can't stay on watching the stove. Instead I'm trying to optimize by washing a dish, pouring a drink, whatever, when I start to smell burning.
Still, I'd rather know and understand than not know. As I said earlier, it does allow me a little grace to overlook self-directed frustration. Sometimes, not often, I do catch myself on the path of bouncing between things, and can correct for it. I can only imagine how many other people might be better off if they were diagnosed.
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