I came to the realization today that there are certain things that I'm simply not doing, or not doing enough. At this point, I thought, wow, I'm being a real negative poopy pants, because there are also a lot of things that I do frequently, and well, and I deserve a little praise for that.
But not right now.
I caution myself about this, because I don't want to be one of those miserable bastards who finds it impossible to be happy because there's always something he or she has not achieved. I strongly dislike those people, and find them uninteresting. So with that healthy dose of perspective made as a disclaimer to myself, I think I'm in a good enough place to be a little critical.
First off, I need to blog more. I made 30 blog entries in October, and one of those was private, so that's remarkably low. Granted, some were exceptionally long and detailed, but I'm not making the time to write as much as I used to. There's an internal struggle going on here, because on one hand I often write to keep myself honest, but on the other hand, much of what I'd like to write about could be read the wrong way. Indeed, too many people I know read this these days, and it may not be appropriate or proper to cover certain topics in a public way. I have to be particularly careful writing about work, because it's often not appropriate. Still, I have a long history of writing about politics, music, movies (something I sorely miss) and the development of interpersonal relationships. I also have many parenting stories to tell.
The thing I'm really beating myself up over right now is that it has been four weeks now since I wrote a line of code for my forum app. Particularly as I'm publishing it open source, and there's an opportunity in that space for it to be dominant and kick ass, I feel very strongly that I need to spend more time on it. It's core to a number of projects going forward too, especially MouseZoom. With Google going apeshit on CPM's, I need that app up and running. That I'm busy with other things or feeling reluctant because I'm coding at work are not good excuses.
I need to be better about picking up household tasks. Diana will make the case that it's her "job" to run the house, but I'm not entirely comfortable with that. It wouldn't kill me to do more around the house beyond trying to take over Simon in the evenings.
It sounds weird, but I want to play video games a little more. That a major Halo release just happened and I haven't finished it is crazy. Plus I have other stuff to try out, like Fallout 3, which I got for ten bucks, and I still have Super Mario Sunshine for Gamecube, a title that's, what, seven years old, that I've never played. My Xbox steering wheel needs more love too.
I need to catch up on reading. I have a pretty huge RSS roll that I try to keep up on, and while I often find myself opening up Google Reader at work several times a day, I never get very far. There are a number of technical blog posts that are required reading, and they're aging. I mean, I work at the damn company making these products, and I should be at the forefront of understanding them. Speaking of reading, I've got three months of Wired to read. I let my Fast Company sub lapse, and I still can't catch up.
Above all, I need to take better care of myself. I need to get proper rest and not stay up late very night. I've been on the verge of something suboptimal for about a week, and I keep fighting it back by simply smiling and staying positive. Eventually, some virus is going to get past that, and my tired self won't be able to fight it off.
Again, I don't think I'm being overly critical of myself, but I do feel like I've spent too much time being a slug lately. Granted, the travel, the move, the Simon, all take a toll on me, and I've been dragging my ass around for a couple of weeks. Sprawling out on the couch watching TV and movies helps. I think that once volleyball ramps up and I'm getting physical activity, it'll help balance me out.
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