Those lingering feelings of regret

posted by Jeff | Friday, September 13, 2013, 7:40 PM | comments: 0

Today was the annual Red Cross mini-golf tournament at Cedar Point. I think I did it 11 times before moving to Seattle, then again last year. This year they moved it to the fall, which reminds me of Halloweekends at Cedar Point. Collectively, these outings remind me of happy joy feelings, good friends and good times. Buried in that is the feeling of escape and relief in the one thing I liked about moving back to Cleveland. It helped me suppress the feelings of regret about that move.

Feeling good about this move, even though missing fall and CP is a minor downer, it makes me think about just how much I knew moving back to Cleveland from Seattle was a horrible idea. I know, the banking worked out, but when I look at photos from places we went, even prior to that move, I remember having thoughts that it was the wrong thing to do. Those thoughts popped up at Mt. Rainier, on the four days of driving, the day I started that awful job, that Christmas Eve when we had the car accident, etc.

During most of last year, those feelings subsided. Working from home, and enjoying what was really a beautiful summer, I was pretty happy overall. As December arrived, bringing winter, the feelings started coming back. By March, when we determined that we would move by the end of summer (Seattle and Orlando were both on the table at that point), I think I audibly sighed with relief. When we had that snow storm in March, double sigh.

It's strange to look back at 2011 and try to understand how we arrived at that decision. I mean, if I read my case for it, I sound like I'm trying to convince myself it's right. I'm somewhat disappointed that I didn't listen to my gut.

It's all water under the bridge at this point, and I've certainly made peace with it. The first few months in Cleveland were icky, but we had a nice and comfortable routine and saved a ton of cash. It's the reason we were able to move and build a new house. There were no shortage of fantastic vacations, many of them driving trips.

Now I know to listen to myself. That sounds stupid, right?


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