If there's anything that surprises me about having a child, it's the way it makes you acutely aware of the passage of time. I mean, change has been my thing for the last seven years to begin with (anyone who knows me exceptionally well for longer knows how odd that is), but you pop out a kid and the change he or she undergoes is so fast and dramatic. It gives you a very real frame of reference.
Awareness of the passage of time I think makes some people panic and feel like they need to be constantly moving and doing stuff. I totally get that, but it's possible that some folks take it too far, to the point that they're moving so much that they don't actually appreciate any of the time that passes. Workaholic type-A's are the worst, I'm sure.
Diana and I are pretty busy. Obviously we both have Simon, I have my day job, and she has her part-time job, a ton of volunteering at school and GKTW, and she services her quilting audience. We have kind of a build-up of, "When is the last time we've just sat together," realizations. We had one last weekend, where we were chilled out, probably a bit tired, sprawled out on the couch talking. A particularly good song came on, and we both thought about how there was a time when we were kids and could just lose ourselves for an hour listening to an album of music. I think when we pack our lives full of obligations and activities, we deprioritize things like that, perhaps even feeling that they're a "waste of time."
That's bullshit. The places that music (or a book, or just lying with someone talking) can take you are pretty important, and fulfilling. We don't need to be making something or doing something 24/7. The ability to be still, reflect, dream, connect, etc. has extraordinary value. Not surprisingly, it's Simon that has reminded me of this. Not only do I watch him tune out the world, engaged in observing the workings of some toy, but sometimes I sit with him and just let him cuddle up to me while he watches TV. I just close my eyes and enjoy the moment. Can you say that you allow yourself to live in the moment like that? I'm deliberately trying to have more moments like that. If every waking moment is dedicated to an outcome, you'll miss life.
Accepting you have only so many steps left to take shouldn't cause panic or anxiety, it should make you realize that you will never have this very moment again. Enjoy it.
No comments yet.