I was lying in bed last night thinking about how my brain gets too stuck on a few things and I get tired of thinking about them. There are some dominant things in my life that I think prevent me from being open to completely new things. Some things are very specific (gotta do something for one my f'ing Web sites) and some are very general (gotta figure out a way to generate lots of money without the man).
I'm starting to wonder if this kind of mind trap is affecting my quality of life. It's so fundamental of a question to ask that it's pretty easy to overlook. When I really get down to it, I see a couple of things about life at odds. I firmly believe that life is not about some destination, but rather the journey. If you're always driving toward something, you tend to neglect the awesome things about every single day. But on the other hand, there are some things that need a well-defined end point so you can feel as though you've accomplished something.
I've never been particularly goal oriented. I had some goals in college, but when I saw how quickly and unpredictably things change, I kind of let that go. I kind of drifted into a different career, marriage and just rolled with things. Now I'm like that Talking Heads song asking, "Well, how did I get here?" The truth is that I've been incredibly lucky or drifting works sometimes.
Ultimately I think I started going down this thought road because it's my job to think about the bigger picture, to innovate and steer people away from constantly being reactive. In technology, it's really easy to just jump on a bandwagon and try to emulate what others are doing, but you're never successful that way. It forces me to wonder if I'm stuck doing the same things over and over because it's what I know or what is generally familiar.
This is part of my ongoing early midlife crisis I think, which is easier to tend to now that my relationship life is about the most stable it has ever been. Hopefully I won't drive Diana nuts in the process. I just figured I'd know what I wanted to do when I grew up.