It's always interesting to me that people who are good at something in one part of their lives are not good at similar things in other areas. For example, a therapist counsels people but stays in an abusive relationship. A doctor who is overweight. An auto mechanic with a broken sink disposal. As it applies to me, a manager who hangs his reputation on product delivery, but can't decide what to do in his free time.
I realize that there's a certain amount of absurdity in this, but right in this moment, on a Saturday, after showering and having lunch, I'm not sure what to do. The thing that's different from work is that there are generally clear objectives in work, and if there isn't, it's usually straight forward enough to reduce ambiguity until you know what the objective is. Leisure has no such environment.
You might be saying that I'm overthinking it, and that is definitely a part of the problem. The thought spirals are real. Between that hyperactive brain and ADHD, it's hard to settle on any specific thing. It's like analysis paralysis, only for doing the shit that makes you happy when you are not engaged in must-dos in the moment. I wouldn't even describe my interests as being numerous, because when I write my yearly retrospectives, there tend to be four or five things that I was all-in on. This year is different, because when I can't decide what to do, I fall back on TV/movies, and harmfully, eating. Video games are notorious for appealing to ADHD hyperfocus, so while that has been a pretty big part of life this year, at least it's not entirely passive, and I can't eat with a controller in my hand.
Let me give you a snapshot of where my head is right now. This is not entirely dissimilar to the aforementioned thought spiral, though this time I'm kind of editing and paraphrasing. Just know that it's a cycle that has probably repeated dozens of times in the last hour.
I've had computers on the brain a lot lately, which makes me think that maybe I need to get back to writing code. I could take that [REDACTED] project a little more seriously and do that. Also, I'm not at all on track to deliver a new POP Forums version this year, and that's not like me. But I do have some items on the backlog to crank through, even if they're not user-facing. Oh, remember that talk I gave on writing code for lighting control? Maybe that's something I could dig into more, maybe I could make my own product even. Although, I do have a real lighting console I've been learning, and last night I even figured out an effect I had in my head. That's cool. I wonder if I could time code an entire song? That's only been in my head since tenth grade. Dammit, why hasn't the Xbox store updated Against The Storm to the new version so I can play the new stuff in the DLC? I could play it via GOG, since I own it there, but I want the achievements. I wonder how many more achievements I can get in Starfield, since I finished the main story. The texture on the back of Xbox controllers is satisfying. The screen on my Windows laptop that I bought for the lighting stuff is really fantastic. Maybe I'll write a blog post. You should really edit your documentary.
Yeah, that's where I am.
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