What if I and how come I can't

posted by Jeff | Sunday, March 2, 2008, 11:12 PM | comments: 1

I was telling Diana on Friday that I've come to realize that I beat myself up over not accomplishing things on the weekend, when I don't even have an agenda in the first place. That's pretty silly, right?

So then a friend e-mails me about how she's worried she won't achieve certain goals or reach certain milestones in life and the like. In trying to come up with some kind of advice I realized that frankly she was thinking a lot like me. We were both letting fear and doubt cloud the fact that things are generally going more sweet than sour.

Yeah, it's the old stop and smell the roses thing. The added layer is that if you spend all of your time chasing things, you never get to just be. I think it's a trap that successful people fall into all of the time (and by successful I mean they reach career and financial goals, balanced with social and relationship efforts). What's worse, I think you can get into an endless cycle where you want just that next income level, or that more flawless relationship, or that slightly nicer shiny thing, etc. I see that in workaholics all of the time.

I think when you can't achieve that next level of whatever quickly, you start to think of yourself as a failure. That's pretty stupid, especially when the failures are clearly what make you better in the long run. I was reading a news story about a study that said people in their 40's tend to wallow self-loathing, because they didn't achieve what they thought they would when you were in their 20's, as if changing careers and priorities somehow shows weakness and failure. The reality, say the shrinks, is that your accumulating experience in life alters your perception of what success and happiness is. The definition changes not because you've been beaten into submission, but because you see that your requirements don't have to be so high.

That whole coming of age thing never really gets to an end point.


Comments

Iceracer

March 4, 2008, 12:00 AM #

A long time ago the CEO of a major fortune 500 company said to me "career and financial goals are just a way of keeping score". He really put the value of relationships and social activity in perspective. Being there for your, friend, neighbor, co-worker or simply fellow human being is much more important than the physical measurements. In the sports world, new records are always set; in business, new levels of productivity, profit and size are set daily; science and technology are advancing at a pace that is virtually beyond our comprehension, but all of that pales beside a single good deed when it come to personal growth .... that action can never be taken away or diminished. It is an irrevocable gift from you to another and lives forever. You are quite insightful in saying "That whole coming of age thing never really gets to an end point." Isn't that fabulous? We can grow in our success forever!


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